When They Think of Me (They Think of You)
by TheFifthCharmedOne
Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.
1. The Car Whisperer

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter One: The Car Whisperer

Dean Winchester was a man of many things.

He was a good son, a devoted brother, a talented mechanic, a college dropout, a pie-lover, and, much to the chagrin of the entire female population of Lawrence, a bachelor.

Standing at 6'1, Dean had broad shoulders, sculpted arms, a bit of a bow-leg, and a handsome face. His tawny blond hair was cut short in an Ivy-League style, which only served to accent his bright green eyes and smattering of freckles across his cheekbones.

He wiped at the oil on his hands when the gruff voice of his boss and godfather, Bobby Singer, echoed out from the back office.

"Dean, before you head out," Bobby walked closer so his voice became quieter as he neared. "I want to show you somethin'."

Bobby wears a trucker's hat and supports a full chocolate colored beard with bits of gray along the edges. His eyes are kind and wise, and he loves his family with a passion. Normally, he wears jeans, a flannel shirt, and a vest on top of that. However, because of the sticky Kansas summer creeping in, he'd abandoned the flannel for a stained Sioux Falls, South Dakota t-shirt.

Bobby walked around the side of the garage, and, curious, Dean follows the old man.

Singer Auto is a scrapyard, a state-registered inspection agency, a car garage for run of the mill issues, and where Bobby lived with his wife Ellen and stepdaughter, Jo.

Bobby grunted as he squatted to open the single garage where he usually kept his private projects. His bare arms flexed with the weight, so Dean squatted down beside him and pushed the door up easily.

"Shaddup ya idjit." Bobby said in response, which, Dean supposed, was the closest he would ever get to a thank you.

When Dean's eyes landed on the dusty but unmistakable sleek black car, his stomach dropped.

"Is that…?" His voice died somewhere in the middle of the sentence as he took in the 1967 Chevrolet Impala.

His dad's prized possession.

The first car Dean had ever loved.

The car he had learned to drive in.

The car he had taught Sammy to drive in.

The car that had Sam's army man crammed into the ashtray.

The car where Dean had shoved Legos into the vents to see what would happen.

The car that…that he had lost his virginity in.

 _Blue eyes so dark with desire they were almost black, pupils dilated and fixed on him…_

 _"_ _Please…Dean…"_

"He left it to ya." Bobby said, referring to Dean's father. "You and your brother, but Sam's got as much interest in cars as you do in law so I figure that was more of a obligatory thing."

Dean's throat feels like damp sand; dry and wet at the same time in the worst way. "I think you oughta fix her up. Get her drivable again. She's a car that deserves to be on the road, and since I'm getting old, I can't dedicate the time."

"Bobby…I-I can't." Dean says, speaking around the baseball sized lump in his throat. "I just…can't. I'm sorry."

Dean takes off in a run and ignores Bobby as he shouts his name.

Dean climbs onto his motorcycle; "Baby 2", and drives off without grabbing his pay stub.

The familiar burned out and flickering lights of the Roadhouse are a comfort and a curse as Dean walks into the bar. Warmth and the casual cacophony of conversation simultaneously relax and unnerve him.

It's a relatively small hall, with a large bar being the central focus. To the left are some pool tables and toward the center and back are tables where local Lawrence residents share a cold one and war stories. It's owned and operated by Bobby's wife Ellen; it was founded and named in honor of Ellen's first husband Bill, who'd died in an accident when Jo was still a child.

Dean makes his way over to the bar and signals for Jo to bring him his usual – a coke with Red Bull.

547 days.

547 days without a drop of liquor. That's also the amount of days since John Winchester's liver crapped out, but he pretends not to notice the correlation.

Jo slides the glass down the bar and Dean catches it easily, taking a long swig. He can almost taste the whiskey he used to have her sneak in when he was trying to convince Sammy he was sober.

Almost.

Seeing the Impala and awakened emotions in Dean he'd long since buried. Memories. Sensations. Things he told himself hadn't been real.

"Hey."

Sam, his kid brother, was very real. Dean took a swig of his drink and then raised the half empty glass in greeting. Sam was 22 to Dean's 26, just old enough to get into the bar without alerting local authorities. Though, in retrospect, he'd passed for 21 well before he actually reached the age. Damned recessive tall genes.

Sam was tall, gargantuan in fact. Standing at 6'4, Dean had always secretly envied his growth spurt, which was a secret he'd take to his grave thank you very much. Sam's hair was almost shoulder length and russet colored, with eyes that changed from brown to green depending on his mood. His shoulders and arms were also thick with muscle.

Jessica Moore, Sam's roommate and ex-fiancé, offered Dean a smile and a wave as she jumped over the barstools and slid her butt across the bar to the opposite side. Jess was a woman of many talents, one of them being pissing off Ellen.

"Get your ass off my bar!" Ellen came in from the kitchen holding dish towel. Jess jumped down and grinned at the brown-haired woman. Ellen glowered but said nothing else.

"I swear, one of these days, you're going to get fired and I'm not going to stand up for you." Jo said to Jess.

At first glance, Jess and Jo could be related. Perhaps not sisters, their facial structure was too different, but definitely cousins. They both had flaxen colored hair and pretty features, though Jo tended to have more of a temper than her counterpart. Currently they were wearing their Harvelle's uniforms; khaki pants and black t-shirts with the bar's name silk screened across the chest.

"Some best friend you are." Jess said, sticking her tongue out at Jo, who rolled her eyes.

Dean watched the exchange with a sort of glazed expression, his mind back on the Impala. How could Bobby expect him to go near the thing? With all the memories attached to it…no. Never again.

"So, Dean." Sam began, and Dean held back a groan. Sam only began his sentences like that when his follow-up statement was going to be particularly annoying. "Have you thought about applying for the mechanical engineering program?"

"Nope." Dean said, popping the p. "Don't need too cause I ain't going."

"Aw come on Dean, it'd be perfect for you!" Sam whined. "I know everything that happened with Cas really screwed you up-"

Dean slammed down his glass, the ice jumping up and back down with a clatter.

"I said no, Sam." Dean ground out. "Now let it go."

"Joanna Beth Harvelle, get your butt in the kitchen now!" Ellen shouted, and Jo winced.

"Uh oh, someone's in trouble," Jess sang. Jo flipped her off and went into the kitchen, where an argument ensued. Jess, ever the gossip, followed a few minutes later.

"I can't believe you went on and sent an application without even talking to me about it first!" Ellen cried. "It's one thing to mention in passing, but it's a whole other to actually go through with it!"

"I talked to Bobby about it!" Jo said defensively.

"Bobby is your stepfather, Joanna, but I am your mother and these kinds of things need to be discussed in detail before you do something you can't take back!"

"Stop acting like sending a college application is a crime!" Jo's voice rose. "God, it's not like you found a stash of weed of something."

"I would prefer you smoked weed rather than went off to some city over 1,000 miles away!"

"So you want me to stay trapped here instead of pursue my dreams?! What would Dad say?"

Ellen fell silent, and Jo took this moment to storm out to the bar in a huff. Jess followed, not wanting to face Ellen's wrath.

A few moments later, Jo and Jess's eyes fell on Dean. He was the picture of a kicked puppy, with hunched shoulders and a moody expression.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jess asked Jo, who smiled mischievously, argument with her mother completely forgotten.

"Set him up with that brunette that's been eyeing him all night?" Jo answered, and Jess grinned.

"I knew we were best friends for a reason."

"Hi." The woman that approached Dean is conventionally attractive, and completely unfamiliar. In a town like Lawrence, everyone knew everyone, so strangers were hard to come by.

"Hi," Dean said, motioning to Jo for another drink.

"I'll take care of it," The woman crooned. "Tequila or scotch? I'm Lisa by the way."

"Neither. I'm 547 days sober." Dean answered. "I'm Dean, and not interested." Dean stood up with his drink in hand and went over to the pool tables, where Ash, the resident genius turned hippie, and some other guys were gambling.

Lisa's ruby red lips formed a perfectly shocked 'o' shape. She looked between Dean and the two bartenders, who'd been trying and failing not to eavesdrop. Lisa made a frustrated noise and stomped over to her group of girls, who collected her and told her how beautiful she was.

"Anyone want some real competition?" Dean asked the group of guys. He recognized Ash, Garth, and Rufus, but the fourth man was yet another stranger.

"Depends on if you can deliver," the fourth man said with a wicked smirk. He had honey gold hair and hazel colored eyes, and a certain trickster air around him that Dean approached warily but respectfully.

"The Roadhouse is full of new people tonight," Dean commented. "But sure, I'll bite."

"Name's Gabriel." The man said. "How much we bettin'?"

The next morning, Dean rolled up to Singer Auto and parked Baby 2 in her usual spot. If Bobby was upset with Dean for his behavior yesterday, he didn't show it.

"Got a newcomer today," Bobby said by way of greeting. "A '78 Continental Mark V."

"And the owner wears a top hat and uses a cane, right?" Dean joked.

"Not quite." A new voice said, and a woman with long red hair and hazel eyes, similar to the stranger Dean had played pool with last night. "She refuses to start, and we can't figure out why since we haven't had her that long." The woman cocked her head, looking Dean up and down as she did. "Word on the street is that you're some sort of car whisperer, so I figured I'd bring her here."

"I wonder who started that rumor," Dean said with an eyeroll. Bobby put his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Wasn't me. Now are you going to keep the lady waitin'?"

Dean sighed and shook his head.

"Let's have a look."

Climbing into the driver's seat was akin to time travel. Worn leather pressed against his spine and backside. His right foot migrated toward the brake pedal, and the distance indicated the car's owner probably wasn't much shorter than Dean. The car even smelled old, though that could be must and mold from years of improper care. The woman dropped the keys in Dean's outstretched hand.

"Mind if I watch you work?" she asked. "I'm Anna, by the way. Dean, right?"

"Yep." Dean answered, sliding the key into the ignition and turning it.

The engine sputtered in response.

"Aw come on honey," Dean cooed, running a hand over the dashboard. "I know you can start for me,"

He tried again with the same result.

"Okay, let's see what's under the hood." Dean said, getting out of the car and popping the front lid.

Anna had taken a seat on a nearby stool, head resting on the base of her palms as she watched. Her eyes had the same trickster gleam that Dean had seen in Gabriel last night.

He opened his mouth to ask if she had any brothers, but then thought better of it. He wasn't here to make friends or small talk; he was here to fix a car.

Dean searched for the obvious problems – dead battery, lack of oil, or burnt out engine – and found nothing to explain why the car would refuse to start.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say the car was possessed." Dean said to Anna, who chuckled airily. "There's nothing here to indicate the problem you're talkin' about."

"Maybe it's just old?" Anna suggested.

An image of the Impala flashed in Dean's mind's eye, and he shook his head as he came out from under the hood to face her.

"As long as a car is cared for, it can run for years after most of those crackpot dealerships try to turn it to scrap."

"So what's the issue?" Anna asked, cocking her head again, this time at the car.

"It'll probably take me a few days to figure it out, since it's nothing obvious." Dean replied. "Do you have another way of getting home?"

"My brother'll pick me up, once he wakes up from his hangover. Says he got hustled in pool last night."

Dean can't hide his smirk. "What?" Anna asked, amused.

"Nothing; I just find it funny that your brother is the same guy I destroyed last night."

Anna raises both eyebrows and snorts delicately. "You're the one that beat Gabriel at pool? I'm learning all sorts of things about you, Dean Winchester."

"Glad to be of service." Dean said, though something in her tone left him a little off-put.

It occurred to him later – long after she'd left and Dean had dealt with a quite a few other customers – that he'd never told her his last name.

A/N: Hello there! So, uh, long time no see for those of you on my profile, and hi to those of you on AO3! There's a better answer to your questions in my bio, so I won't waste your time with that here.

However, this is my first ever Destiel fanfic, so if you could leave a review or kudos on how you felt about it, that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

-Charmy


	2. Fifteen Hundred Days

Chapter Two: Fifteen Hundred Days

"C'mon Cas, don't be such a stick in the mud!" Gabriel said to his younger brother, Castiel. "We're back in Lawrence, let's live a little!"

Gabriel stood shorter than the rest of the Novaks at 5'11, but he made up for it with a quick wit and sweet tooth. His hair was the color of honeyed chocolate, and his eyes were the signature Novak hazel. Currently he wore an army green t-shirt and black jeans, brown boots tucked under the ankles of his pants.

"I'd rather eat nails, Gabriel." Cas deadpanned. "Besides, my dissertation-"

"Blah, blah, blah I already know about your dissertation." Gabriel interrupted. "That's the perfect excuse to go out and get shitfaced!"

Castiel on the other hand, was exactly 6'0 and had hair so dark brown it almost looked black in some lights. His eyes were a bright, sapphire blue, the only one of the Novaks to have such light eyes. He consistently sported a scruff and wore glasses when writing or reading, so he was the picture of a graduate student.

Castiel made a face. "Don't look at me like that, Cassie. It's been too long since you got properly plastered, and that means I've failed as an older brother."

"You are relentless." Cas said with a heavy sigh.

"You love me." Gabriel grinned, sensing his apparent victory.

"The answer's still no." Cas said, and Gabriel's smile disappeared.

"Come on, are you still afraid you'll see Dean?" Cas stiffened at the name, and Gabe saw emotion flicker in his brother's eyes, so quickly he wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't been looking. "It's been, what, four years?"

"1,460 days." Cas said instantly.

Gabriel stared at him, but Cas refused to give him the satisfaction of being embarrassed.

"Damn." Gabriel whistled. "You must have really cared about him." Gabriel chose his words carefully, he knew saying "love" and "Castiel" in the same sentence was a recipe for disaster.

"I did, and still do. Which is why I'm not going to the Roadhouse no matter how much you pester me. I'm not setting myself up to get my heart broken." Cas's voice lowered. "He's probably married with kids by now." He added, more to himself than Gabriel.

"Doubtful," Gabriel muttered. "From what you told us when you showed up on our doorstep four years ago, Dean never seemed like the type for commitment."

"I simply told you that my boyfriend had broken up with me and I needed a place to get away for a while."

"Exactly! Clearly a commitment-phobe to let go of a gem like you." Gabriel winked.

Despite himself, Castiel smiled. His brother did know how to make him feel the slightest bit better.

The conversation lulled, and the door to the duplex closed below.

"Anna?" Gabriel called down.

"Gabe?" Anna called back playfully. Whenever the door closed, each member of the trio always felt the need to check that it was simply their sibling and not Michael, or Lucifer, or Raphael, come to destroy their lives like always.

Anna climbed the stairs and came into view. After Gabriel had picked her up from the garage, she'd left again to go to the local art supply store, and she was carrying the fruits of that trip with her.

A large canvas was shoved under her left armpit, with bags filled to the brim with paint and other supplies.

"Oh, Cas, good. I've been meaning to tell you that your car is going to be at Singer Auto for a few days. The car guru there was stumped."

"Most people would be by that hunk of junk." Gabriel said, and Castiel threw him a half-hearted glare. "I'm telling you - you need to upgrade."

"I'm perfectly content with my car, Gabriel." Cas said testily. "If it can be fixed, that is." He glanced toward Anna, who smiled.

"The Car Whisperer seems to believe any car can be fixed so long as it's cared for properly." Anna walked further into their apartment, set her bags on the table, and went about preparing dinner.

"You hear that Cassie? The Pimpmobile lives on!" Gabriel shouted jovially, and Castiel rolled his eyes. He'd told his brother that he hated the nickname, but Gabriel was never the best listener when it came to things he enjoyed.

One of the things he enjoyed most was tormenting his younger brother.

 _"_ _Don't ever fall in love, Castiel. Ever. It will only bring pain and suffering." Michael told him before putting on the caring big brother mask and going to comfort a heartbroken Anna._

 _Anna was 14 at the time and had just been dumped by her first boyfriend. Castiel was only 10; Gabriel fell evenly between them at 12._

 _The Novak family fit right in with the Salt Lake City townspeople. With all of their children named after angels, a deceased mother, and absentee father, the two eldest sons had to take control._

 _Michael and Lucifer were twins, but were also complete opposites. Luke enjoyed the fact that he was seemingly named after Satan about as much as Michael detested it. Their father, Chuck, had been around for most of their lives, as they were eighteen when he disappeared._

 _However, since there were exactly two years between each Novak child, Castiel at the least amount of memories with his father. So, Michael had taken on that role in the interim._

 _This was where Raphael came in._

 _Always envious of his older brothers, Raph was cold and cruel, so much so that no one was surprised when he ended up in a juvenile detention center at 13. (He'd been caught shoplifting.)_

 _When Raph was released upon his 18_ _th_ _birthday, he came home only to have an explosive argument with Michael and Lucifer. Despite the united front that the twins had presented to Anna, Gabriel, and Castiel, Lucifer had been distancing himself from Michael for years. He'd also always been a pyromaniac, from the time he was a small child. Raphael allied himself with Michael, and Lucifer left the house, presumably forever._

 _The next morning, Castiel awoke to the smell of smoke, and as soon as he did, he felt Gabriel's arms wrap around him and carry him out of the house, Anna close behind._

 _Their family home was quickly engulfed in flames._

 _Knowing Lucifer was responsible nearly sent Anna into a psychotic break – she couldn't imagine how their big brother could try to kill his entire family – but it was protecting Gabriel and Castiel that kept her sane._

 _They've been on the run from their brothers – who they had seen once in passing and knew they were alive – ever since._

 _Anna, Gabriel, and Castiel had been taken in by the Miltons, a neighboring family that Anna had always had a close relationship with. Yet, they kept their last names the same because changing them felt like a lie none of them were willing to tell._

 _Moving to Lawrence had been a mutual decision, especially since the Miltons were getting older and needed to retire. So Cas was accepted to the University of Kansas, and off they went for the 27-hour bus ride to Lawrence._

 _That was when Harry met Sally. Or, in this case, Cas met Dean._

 _By the time Cas was old enough to go to college, Anna had already graduated with a bachelor's degree in art education, while Gabriel had chosen not to go to college at all, satisfied with a GED and a low income job._

One thousand, four hundred and sixty-three days. Cas's mind immediately told him as he opened his eyes. 1,463 days since he had seen Dean Winchester face to face.

Anna had told him that his car would be ready in three days, so Cas figured it was as good a time as any to get it back.

He stood up, stretched, and cracked his knuckles, yawning as he went about his morning routine. He did his customary 100 pull-ups over his bedroom door and immediately showered after he was done.

"Cassie!" Gabriel bellowed from the middle level. "You awake?"

"Yes, Gabriel!" Castiel called back.

"Want some pancakes?" Gabriel asked.

"Can you make bacon?" Cas asked, and he could see his brother's small, sad smile in his mind's eye.

"You're a cheap date, Cassie." Gabriel said, not to Castiel, but to the room in general. His heart constricted – would Castiel ever trust – let alone love – anyone after what they had been through?

"Don't frown so much, you'll get wrinkles." Anna pressed her finger against Gabriel's brow, and he swiped at her hand.

"Don't touch the cook."

"Your apron says kiss."

"Um, no. I'm open to a lot, but not incest."

"You'd be lucky to have a girl like me." Anna told him, smacking his butt. He yelped and she laughed, meandering over to their small table.

Castiel came down the steps then, wearing jeans and a shortsleeve plaid shirt. His hair was wet and his face sporting his usual five o'clock shadow.

"Bacon's on its way." He said to Cas, and Anna made a face. "Oh go be a vegan or vegetarian or whatever you are somewhere else."

"They're two different things, Gabe." Anna said, with forced patience. "Vegetarians don't eat meat. Vegans don't eat anything with a face. I'm a vegan, which means I'm disgusted by the pig's side that you're about to eat."

Gabriel met Cas's stare and made a "cuckoo" motion with his finger. Cas snickered into his breakfast.

Cas found his way to Singer Auto, though, in hindsight, he should have expected his siblings to pull something like this.

He just didn't think he'd be so…affected. Still. Number of days since they'd seen each other aside.

His heart jumped to his throat and his lungs shriveled in both fear and longing. Dean didn't look like he's aged a day and the scruff on his face would feel delicious against his jaw…Cas shakes himself out of it.

"Hello, Dean." He says, despite his organs' protests. Dean's head smacked against the bottom of the car he's working on and comes up.

"H-Hey Cas." Dean said, rubbing his head and looking more adorable than Cas had ever seen him. Cas's knees are wobbling as he takes Dean in, trying to rememorize every detail. "Long time."

"Yes." Castiel says, his voice sounding strange and foreign even to him.

"Is this your car? I thought it was that redhead's…what was her name?"

"Anna. She's my sister; she brought the car in for me because I was attempting to work on my dissertation."

"Dissertation?" Dean asked, eyes gazing somewhere over Castiel's shoulder. Not that Cas is concerned, as his gaze is pinned on a toolbox in the back corner of the shop.

"I'm one extensive research paper away from my Masters in Counseling Psychology." Cas tells him.

"What's the topic?" Dean knows he's winning the award for Most Awkward Conversation, but he can't seem to stop himself.

 _Cas._

 _Cas is here._

 _In. Lawrence._

 _And…he has a sister?_

"Well, my brother wanted me to call it "Super Psycho Love" after the horrendous Simon Curtis song, but I felt that "The Heart and Mind: Does True Love Exist?" made much more sense."

 _And a brother?_

It takes a moment for that to sink in, but when it does, for the first time in four years, green eyes meet blue.

 _God_ _ **damn**_ _it. Those eyes might break my sobriety if they keep looking at me like that._

Dean's heart is somewhere in his throat, his stomach in his shoes, and the rest of his organs in all the wrong places.

"So were you able to discover what was wrong with my car?" Cas asked, and Dean swallowed hard.

"Oh, uh, yeah! Turns out it was some bad gasoline. Do you remember when you last filled her up?"

Castiel thought about it – the last time he could remember filling his car had been a late night stop in Topeka.

"I believe my brother may have borrowed her in the interim, which explains the bad gasoline. Gabriel's never been particularly responsible."

 _So it's true then. You have two siblings that I never knew about. What else don't I know about you?_

"Well, I'd make sure that you fill her up yourself before letting him borrow her again. Continentals are sturdy cars, you just have to be smart about their care."

Dean turned away from Cas and slammed the front compartment closed with a little more force than necessary. Dean reached inside the car and took out the keys to give to Castiel, who had walked up behind Dean silently.

Suddenly they were only a few feet apart.

Cas could see every single freckle on Dean's cheeks. Could see the gold flecks in his eyes, the oh so slight bend in his nose from a childhood accident.

Oh, how his heart ached for Dean.

"Here's your keys. Uh, that'll be $75 for the repair and time."

"$75? I was expecting a lot more."

Dean shrugged.

"What can I say, I'm an honest man."

"That you are." Cas said, his voice layered with something else. Dean swallowed again, his throat dry.

He couldn't remember wanting a solid glass of whiskey more than he did in this moment.

 _550 days._ He reminded himself. _Only a few months away from two years._

"Right, uh. Let's go into the office."

Dean and Cas took care of business and Cas's car rumbled to life with no trouble. He rolled out of the garage and Dean could finally breathe.

"What'd you charge 'im?" Bobby asked, coming up behind Dean.

"Half." He cast an apologetic look at the other man. "Sorry."

Bobby shrugged.

"If anyone understands how hard it is to see someone you loved once, it's me." Bobby said, referring to his former wife Karen, who had died due to a car accident.

The accident had made her lose her memory completely, and the knowledge of all she had lost led to her suicide.

Bobby had been driving.

He still blamed himself to this day.

Cas drove down the main roads of Lawrence, his fingers shaking and blood roaring in his ears. Part of him was angry, so angry, with his siblings for sending him into that reunion unprepared.

But another part of him, a larger part, was grateful.

Knowing Dean was okay, and presumably happy, after all this time; was a blessing.

At least, that was what he kept repeating to himself as he parked his car and walked up to his apartment.

Anna sat on an oak colored stool, new canvas positioned in front of her. Her paintbrush floated over the blank surface, ready to make the first mark, when she heard the front door close.

"Cas?" she called down. She knew Gabe was at work, otherwise he would have shouted "Honey, I'm home!" like usual.

"It's me, Anna," Cas said, but that was all he said as he went into his room and closed the door.

If Anna hears her brother sniffling, she pretends otherwise.

Later that night, Dean sits at his usual spot at the bar, moody and angrier than usual. His soda and Red Bull sits untouched, and he snarls at anyone that comes near him, even Jo and Jess.

Sam comes in then, and Dean sets to growl at him too, but Sam puts a bracing hand on his shoulder.

"I think you've had enough of terrorizing these people tonight. Let's go home. Mom's apple pie is cooling."

Sam doesn't notice the appreciative eyes on him from across the room.

With a mouthful of still-warm apple pie and whipped cream in his mouth, Dean says,

"Mom, you're awesome."

Mary Winchester smiled at her boys.

"I do my best." She said, and Sam offered her a strained smile.

Behind the mother and sons was a picture of John, holding a baseball bat and smiling wider than any of them had ever seen. A mass card was leaning on the picture, along with a maroon rosary.

 _In Loving Memory of JOHN E. WINCHESTER_

 _1954-2015_

 _In lieu of a prayer, we at Lawrence Funeral Services_

 _have included the lyrics of Mr. Winchester's favorite song._

 _Carry on my wayward son,_

 _There will be peace when you are done_

 _Lay your weary head to rest…_

 _Don't you cry no more._

 _-Carry On Wayward Son, Kansas_

 _Rest in peace, John._

A/N: Longer this time! Hope I answered some of your questions. Thanks so much for the positive feedback, it really means the world to me.

Fair warning, and I'll say this at the top of the next chapter as well, Chapter 3 will be Sabriel-centric. If you don't ship Sam/Gabriel, you have my permission to skip the upcoming chapter; there will be little to no Destiel, so the story can continue beyond that.

If there's nothing else, please let me know what you think!

-Charmy


	3. Climb That Like A Tree

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS GABRIEL/SABRIEL (SAM/GABRIEL) CENTRIC. IF YOU DO NOT SHIP THESE TWO, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER. THE STORY WILL CONTINUE REGARDLESS.**

 **Thanks, and if you're still here, enjoy!**

Gabriel Novak could be summarized in three words: brother, jokester, and player. From the formative age of 12, he had known that he wasn't worth much, especially to his older brothers. When Mike, Luke, and Raph had their massive argument, Gabriel had wanted nothing more than to run.

So he did, and he took Anna and Cas with him.

Now, as a 28-year-old drifter, he found that he liked the energy that Harvelle's Roadhouse exuded. Not because he particularly enjoyed drinking, but because he loved gambling and watching his victims walk away with their tails between their legs.

And, with that in mind, he had a score to settle with a certain Dean Winchester.

The mechanic was seated just where he'd been the last few nights, but without any alcohol in sight. Gabriel took note of that and put it in the back of his mind.

Gabriel strode right up to Dean's back and tapped him on the shoulder. Dean turned, and his eyebrows raised at Gabriel.

"You owe me a rematch." Gabriel said without preamble.

"Excuse me?" Dean asked.

"You heard me, handsome. You hustled the wrong guy the other night."

Dean gave Gabriel a long look, and then said,

"And if I don't?"

Gabriel reached into his pocket and produced a thick stack of bills.

"Trust me, you do. I'm betting you my entire paycheck that I can beat you in a fair game of pool."

The crowd in the Roadhouse had gone quiet, watching the two men stare each other down.

"Fine." Dean stood and that was when the sasquatch (at least from Gabriel's perspective) that Gabe had seen the night before spoke up.

"Dean, are you sure about this?"

"It's fine. I can take this punk." Dean jerked his chin at Gabe.

Gabe grinned.

Dean walked over to the billiard tables with casual confidence, something that in any other circumstance, Gabriel might admire.

Before joining the bow-legged fellow, Gabe leaned over the bar and signaled for one of the two blond bartenders. Her nametag read "Jo", and Gabe found he liked that. Short and simple.

"Who was that tall, dark, and scrumptious one?" Gabe asked her.

Jo raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"His name's Sam. He's Dean's younger brother." Jo informed him.

"Huh." Gabriel said appreciatively. "Clearly the more handsome of the two."

"What's your point?" Jo asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'd like to climb him like a tree." Gabe said, and the action that followed both shocked and amazed him.

Jo grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and brought them nose to nose.

"You hurt him, fuckboy, and I'll make your life a living hell." Then Jo smirked. "Never mind what Dean would do."

Gabe saluted.

"Only pain will be of the pleasurable variety. Scout's honor." Gabriel said, and Jo carefully let him go, making a face at the innuendo.

Gabe went over to the two Winchesters and began his game with Dean, making sure Sam was watching as he bent over the table to shoot.

If Sam noticed, he made no expression to show it.

 _Oh, this is going to be fun._

"Jess," Jo gestured for the kitchen, and the two women ducked inside, glancing around to make sure Ellen wasn't around in that moment.

"That guy, Gabriel? He's into Sam." Jo told her friend. "Are you…okay with that?"

Jess bit her lip.

"I broke up with him, Jo." Jess said after a moment's hesitation. "If he can find happiness with someone else, even someone of his own gender, then I'm happy for him."

Jo watched her friend as Jess started to pick at her fingers.

"But…you were going to marry him." Jo said.

"And now I'm not." Jess answered, shoving her fingers into the pockets of her khaki pants.

"You know Gabriel's a player, right?" Jo tried again, her tone gentler as she took in her friend's discomfort.

"Everyone knows that Gabriel Novak is a player, Jo." Jess said, heading towards the door. "But I lost the right to question Sam's choice in bedmate six months ago."

"If you're sure." Jo said. Jess nodded once, and the two girls went back out onto the floor.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Dean blustered, unable to believe the sight before him.

Gabriel had beaten him.

Fair and square, he might add, though he never thought of hustling as "unfair", just "unlucky" to those who lost.

"'Fraid not, pretty boy." Gabe said, grinning victoriously. "Now hand over that sweet moola."

Dean grumbled, but took out his wallet and presented Gabriel with the money he owed. Gabriel slipped in into the stack he already had and fanned the money under his own nose. "Ah, the glorious smell of victory."

"Whatever." Dean said, going back to the bar in a huff.

Gabriel took this chance to talk to Sam.

"Bit of a drama queen, isn't he?" he asked the long-haired beauty.

"He's been through a lot." Sam said. "Can I help you?" he added, noticing the distance – or lack thereof – between them.

"Maybe." Gabriel smiled, his eyes twinkling. "How about buying me a drink to celebrate my win?"

Sam let out a surprised guffaw.

"You're not serious." He said. "You want me to buy you a drink to celebrate you beating my brother in pool?"

"I promise I'm not a picky guy." Gabriel replied. "It shouldn't cost you _too_ much."

Sam scoffed.

"I'll pass." He said, and Gabriel's mouth dropped open.

He wasn't acting.

He was actually shocked that Sam had said no.

The shocked 'o' quickly became a mischievous smirk.

 _Challenge accepted._

A/N: Two updates in one day? What the heck?

It's amazing how having an outline makes this whole writing thing easier. Who knew? xD

Quick shoutout to Kittyblack for their support! It means more than you know. I hope you enjoyed the Sabriel goodness in this chapter; and believe me there will be more to come.

I'm having a blast working on this story, so much so that as soon as this one is posted, I'm going to start on Chapter 4!

(Though, since that one is more plot-based, I doubt it's going to be out tonight, haha.)

Please leave comments and kudos! (And if you're reading on , please review!)

-Charmy


	4. Small Town Crowd

Boisterous laughter echoed throughout Harvelle's Roadhouse. A group of friends, so close they were practically family, were gathered around the town's cutest couple, Dean and Cas.

"So, wait, he just walked right into you? And you both fell on your asses and your stuff went flying?" Jo is saying, snorting into a mug of beer. "That's the kind of shit you see in romantic comedies, not real life!"

"I believe the funniest part was that Dean was going to tell me all the ways my mother could be fucked until he saw my face." Castiel replied.

Dean shot him a playfully sour look.

"What can I say, I have a thing for blue eyes." Dean leaned in and kissed Cas.

The group 'awwed', and when the couple parted, Cas's face was the color of the cherry atop his Shirley Temple.

"You're so cute when you blush," Dean tells him, and the color deepens to a scarlet.

"Blushing bride aside, who wants to play some pool?!" a posh British voice crowed, and Dean rolled his eyes.

Crowley was, in five words or less, king of Lawrence, and not in the municipal or governmental way.

He ran the mob out of his seedy establishment just on the edge of the town's underbelly. The full name of the pub was Hell's Gate, but it was better known as Hell. So, Crowley was the King of Hell. (no pun intended)

"No illegal activity in my bar!" Ellen called, though it was to no avail.

"You know you ain't gonna stop 'em." Bobby rolled up next to Ellen and she took his hand.

"At least when the cops come to shut me down I can say I tried." Ellen said with a sigh, looking lovingly down at her wheelchair-bound fiancé.

Bobby had promised to be standing at their wedding, and Bobby Singer never broke a promise. He regularly went to physical therapy and counseling, dedicated to being better for his soon-to-be-wife.

Didn't mean he had to like it, though, and he consistently told people how much he hated it, but those that knew him best knew it was just a façade.

Dean whispered something in Cas's ear that made the latter blush so violently Ellen thought that he might pass out.

"Would you two get a room already?" She joked.

Dean grinned.

"Gladly." He took Cas's hand and they left the bar without a goodbye – or paying their tab.

They didn't make it to a room. The backseat of the Impala was never the same.

Damned overheated engine.

Dean was halfway under the Jacksons' minivan; the coolant tank had sprung a leak. However, since Mrs. Jackson was as preoccupied as a wolf at a sheep convention, she hadn't noticed until the alert had flashed on her dashboard.

Repeatedly.

She was lucky her car hadn't exploded. With her and her brats inside.

A black polished shoe kicked at the tread of Dean's shoe, and he rolled out from under the car to face Crowley, King of Hell.

"You follow me to work now, Crowley?" Dean asked, standing up and dabbing at his sweaty face with his shirt.

"I go where my money is, Squirrel," Crowley replied in his typical arrogant way. "Speaking of which…" Crowley rubbed his fingers together.

Dean groaned.

"I need more time."

"You don't have much more." Crowley said, the threat evident in his voice. "I gave you that money out of the goodness of my heart, Dean. Wouldn't want your mum to be homeless, now would you?"

Dean slammed Crowley against the side of the minivan.

"You stay the hell away from my mom, you hear me, you prick? You'll get your money."

"I'd better." Crowley shoved Dean away and dusted invisible dirt from his suit. "One more month, Winchester. Or I collect your debt myself."

Dean closed his eyes, and by the time he opened them again, the mob boss was gone.

He was about to go back to the Jacksons' minivan when a royal blue pamphlet caught his eye right by his toolbox. Going over to it against his better judgment, Dean saw it was a brochure for KU.

Dammit, Sammy.

 **Apply to the University of Kansas's brand new automatic engineering program!**

 **Do you have a passion for all engine-based vehicles? Well then this major is the right one for you!**

So gimmicky; but Dean kept reading.

 **Are you a former KU student that wishes to return to school? Simply turn in a returning form and apply for our new scholarship opportunity while you're at it!**

Scholarship?

 **If you are accepted back to our fine institution, you will be eligible for the Centennial Scholarship, an exciting chance for all students!**

 **Open to any major, you will receive the full cost of your tuition for four years so long as you maintain a 3.5 grade point average and are in good behavioral standing with the university. Along with that, you must be able to show experience within the major of your choice.**

 **For more information on the Centennial Scholarship, or any other opportunity, please contact the Office of Financial Aid.**

Dean nearly stumbled backward. A full ride? He marveled at the papers before him, almost not daring to believe it.

"Bobby, I'm taking my lunch!" He shouted back in the general direction of the office. He didn't wait for a response as he leaped onto Baby 2 and went for home.

Mary was sitting on their porch with a glass of sweet tea when Baby 2 rumbled up. She smiled when Dean pulled off his helmet and approached her. He took the brochure from his back pocket and gave it to her without a word.

"Oh, Dean. This is wonderful!" Mary said enthusiastically, setting down her glass as she examined the paperwork.

Dean sat down on the wicker bench near here, resting his elbows on his knees and forehead to his fists.

"Is it, mom? You know what happened. Why I…" he swallowed hard. "Dropped out."

"In your final semester." Mary added, meeting her son's gaze. "I'm still so sorry I couldn't-"

"Don't, mom. It wasn't your fault." Dean cut her off. Mary opened her mouth to argue, but then closed it again. "Dad spent the last of my college fund on booze."

"I could've – should've – stopped him." Mary sniffled, and Dean could see tears gleaming in her eyes. "I just…I didn't want him to hurt you. Or Sam."

"I know, mom." Dean said, and he stood up to hug his mother, accidentally knocking over the glass of sweet tea.

"Oh, crap. Sorry." He said as he knelt down to pick it up. "I'll get you another one."

Mary smiled at him through her tears and he went inside the house. When he came back out, she was smiling again, and he couldn't help but smile back, even if it didn't reflect how he felt.

"I think you know what I'm going to say." Mary began. "But as your mother, I have to say it anyway. I want you to follow your heart, Dean. Whatever that means and wherever it takes you, that's what I think you should do."

It didn't matter that he hadn't voiced the question; Mary knew her boys better than anyone else.

"Thanks, mom." Dean kissed her cheek and walked down the path toward Baby 2. He offered her a wave and she waved back.

In closing, it is my educational estimation that true love does exist. It is a once in a lifetime occurrence, and one to be treasured.

Castiel leaned back, pulled off his glasses, dangling them between two fingers, and rested his wrist against his forehead. He sighed and tried to turn his brain off. Just because your first ever relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that Dean is a) your true love or b) even interested in you at all.

Since seeing Dean the day before, his brain had combed through their entire conversation ad nauseam.

Was it unhealthy?

Absolutely.

Did he hate a part of himself for it?

Yes.

Could he stop?

Unfortunately not.

Cas stood and stretched; his tea had long gotten cold so he took it to the microwave to remedy that issue. Once it was at the right temperature, he walked over to the bay window on the side of the duplex.

He had to admit, Gabriel had done well with their living accommodations.

The whole town of Lawrence opened before him, and his eyes automatically went to the glowing Harvelle's Roadhouse sign. Gabriel was already there, claiming that he was on a winning streak and needed to keep his momentum going, and part of Cas knew that Dean was there as well.

This was ridiculous.

Castiel was 25 years old now; far too old to be pining for a former flame. Things had ended between them four years ago, his body's reaction to Dean aside.

You've been counting the days since you saw him last. A voice in his head reminded him. Face it, Castiel. You're in lo-

"No." Cas said, shaking his head. "I am not. I swore I never would."

"Swore you wouldn't what?" Castiel jumped and whirled to see Anna, who was holding even more art supplies than she had the last time she'd gone shopping.

"I.." Cas started. "Nothing. What are you working on?" he asked her.

"I had a dream, and at the risk of sounding like Stephenie Meyer when she explained her travesty of a series," Cas snickered – Anna hated the Twilight franchise with a passion, and never passed up the opportunity to mock it – "it wouldn't leave me alone. So, I decided to paint it."

"What was the dream?" Cas asked, interest piqued. His laptop glowed ominously behind Anna's head, and he did his best to ignore it.

"None of your business." Anna replied, sticking her tongue out playfully. "You'll see it when it's done like everyone else."

With that, she went up to her studio/bedroom and left Castiel to puzzle out the end of his thesis.

The sky was the color of summer.

Dean leaned his head back and squinted, trying to identify the oranges, reds, and purples he saw. He'd been at the Roadhouse for a little while, but Gabriel's bragging had gotten unbearable so he'd decided to take a walk.

Baby 2 was still parked in her usual spot behind the bar, so Dean didn't go too far, just far enough to clear his head.

A few months ago he'd been a simple mechanic with an awesome mom and annoying kid brother. Sure, he had a few skeletons in his closet, but who didn't?

Now not only was Cas back in his life, but Crowley was sniffing around where he didn't belong, and Sam kept pushing him to go back to school. He'd dropped out for a reason, dammit! When would Sam see that?

Knowing Sam and his stubborn nature, probably never.

Dean sighed in frustration. The fact that he'd left those application materials at work was just this side of irritating. He knew that his brother was coming from a good place, but he just…he couldn't do it.

He couldn't really go back to school. Not now. Not after everything. He still owed Crowley; he didn't want to owe the government too.

Full scholarship. A voice sang in his head, one that sounded eerily like Sam.

"Yeah, like that's ever going to happen." Dean scoffed, and turned back for the Roadhouse.

The Psychology office was closing for the evening, but Cas knew that his advisor, Naomi Briggs, would be there well past the traditional end of the day.

In his hand he held the single most important document of his life – other than his diploma.

He'd finished his dissertation. It had taken months of writing, years of research, but he'd finally done it.

Dr. Naomi Briggs, PhD. Head of Psychology

Notoriously tough on her advisees, Dr. Briggs was firm but well-respected. Rumored to work directly with the university's chancellor – she was in the hot seat for Associate Dean of the college once the current one retired.

And she was about to hold his future in her hands.

"Ah, Castiel." Dr. Briggs said as he walked through her open door. "What brings you here?"

"I've completed my dissertation, Dr. Briggs." He told her.

"You're the first of your class to do so. Impressive." She said, putting out her hand for the envelope. "You know it will take about six weeks for it to be reviewed, correct?"

"Yes." Cas nodded. "I hope you find it satisfactory."

He gave her the envelope, and without another word, walked out.

In his pocket, his phone vibrated. Taking it out, he rolled his eyes when he saw it was a text from Gabriel.

Hey baby bro! Anna told me u turned in ur big boy paper! How about coming down to the roadhouse for a drink? My treat!

Cas's gut reaction was to say no; he was tired and should probably go home and get some sleep.

Despite that though, he really should celebrate.

I will be there.

Pocketing his phone again, Cas climbed into his car and drove down to the bar.

A/N: And there you go! Still really appreciating the feedback on this story, it's keeping me going, truthfully. Chapter 5 will again contain Sabriel but will also have plot and such. Chapter 6 is when things are finally explained in detail, so look forward to that!

Please review/comment/leave kudos! Thank you again!

-Charmy


	5. Who You Are (And Who You're Meant To Be)

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Five: Who You Are (And Who You're Meant To Be)

In his entire life, Gabriel couldn't remember a challenge as arousing or as frustrating as Sam Winchester.

There was something about him, a subtle power and grace that made Gabriel's breath catch. He had never wanted anything or anyone so badly.

So why was he having so much trouble getting it? Not that he thought of Sam as a prize to be won, more of a puzzle to solve.

Each time that he'd flirted, made innuendos, even blatantly asked the taller man out, he got rejected.

It was starting to hurt his pride a little.

"Come on Sammich, one date! I promise I'll make it worth your while." The saucy wink that he ended that sentence with should have been labeled jalapeño hot.

Yet again though, Sam was unimpressed.

"No, Gabriel." Sam said. _God, even the way Sam said his name was attractive._ "I'm not interested."

Something in his eyes though, told a different story.

Damned if Gabriel could figure out what it was, though.

"Finals start tomorrow, so I've got to get home and study." Sam told Jo. "Jess, you ready?"

Toward the end of the night during the week, the Roadhouse would empty out early, around 10:30, and that was when Jo stuck around to help her mother clean and lock up. Jess, however, left when Sam did because of the car/roommate situation.

What? Gabriel was _not_ stalking Sam. He was just…observant.

Right.

Jess and Sam left the bar, and Gabriel was struck with how well they complimented each other. Not for the first time, he wondered why Jess had broken off the engagement.

Not that he was complaining, Sam being married would have complicated things severely, but still. Curiosity killed the cat and all that.

"Jooooooo," Gabriel whined. "Why won't Sam go out with me?"

Jo smirked.

"That's something that you'd have to ask him." His head hit the polished wood with a thwack.

"Oh come on. You've got to have some intel."

"Oh you mean because I've known the Winchesters since I was a kid and Jess throughout college?" She picked up a beer jug and began drying it. "Woo him."

"Huh?" Gabe asked, picking his head up from the bar.

"Woo him." Jo repeated. "Instead of being a slimy player, unlock the true gentleman beneath. Actually show interest that goes farther than the bedroom."

"I take offense to that!" Gabe said, and Jo rolled her eyes, reaching up to put the beer jug away. "You roll your eyes too much, they're going to stay that way." Gabe warned.

Jo did it again, just for good measure.

"Joanna Beth Harvelle!" Ellen shouted from the kitchen. Jo's shoulders sank.

"I wonder what I did this time." She said before disappearing behind the "employees only" door.

Gabriel considered what Jo had said. Despite his protests, what she said made sense, and while he did want to have sex with Sam, he also wanted to go on dates, fall asleep together, share candy…

Wow, he had it bad.

 _Oh well._ He thought. _Better to have loved once and all that._

Dean sensed Cas's presence before the other man entered the bar. Something inside him knew that Cas was nearby, and he instantly hunched his shoulders, trying to be as small as possible.

"Cassie!" Gabriel crowed, and Dean tried not to flinch. The intense desire to kiss Cas nearly overwhelmed him.

For a Friday night, the Roadhouse was pretty quiet. Sam and Jess had left a few minutes before, and Gabriel had wandered over to the pool tables.

That was, until Cas came in.

"How's it feel to finally be done with your dissertation?" Gabriel asked, clapping Cas on the shoulder and guiding him toward the bar.

Toward Dean.

 _Fuck._

The craving for whiskey was sudden and hit him like a punch in the gut.

He needed the numbness. Needed the burn of the drink down his throat. Needed to _forget._

His hand was halfway in the air before some sensible part of him pushed it back down.

 _No. 548 days. You swore you'd never be like dad._

 _I won't._

Castiel's heart was in his esophagus, a rather unpleasant place for an organ originally intended for his chest cavity.

 _Dean._

The ache in his chest was as acute as it had been the day before, and, to a lesser degree, for the last four years.

 _We were happy, Dean. Why? What did I do wrong?_

Cas stopped that train of thought before it could start, because down that road lay madness.

He asked the pretty waitress for a cup of coffee, and stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking. It took him a moment to realize that she was Jo, and that made him hurt even more. Nothing, and everything, had changed.

 _Why did I agree to come here?_ He wondered, and then he realized Gabriel had been talking to him.

"Coffee, Cassie, really? We're supposed to be celebrating."

"Celebrating?" Jo asked, presenting Cas with his coffee, cream, and sugar.

"I turned in my Masters dissertation today." Castiel informed her. "You're looking well, Jo." He said, and she smiled, pleased with the compliment.

"Congratulations on that, Cas." Jo told him. She poured a large tumbler of beer. "On the house." She said, and turned back to the remaining customers.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was hittin' on you." Gabriel said with a slight whistle. "Too bad you're gayer than a rainbow."

"Gabriel," Cas groaned at his brother's insinuation, but didn't deny it. He'd long known his orientation, he just didn't appreciate it broadcasted. Cas took a long swig of his beer, delighted in the fluttering sensation it sent through him. He'd always been a lightweight, something Gabe teased him for relentlessly.

Cas's eyes fell on Dean, and he allowed himself to stare.

Dean's posture was slouched, defensive in nature. He was nursing a Coke, with some Red Bull in it most likely, but there was no alcohol in sight. The realization made his eyebrows furrow – why would Dean come to a bar so regularly if he wasn't drinking?

"You're gonna burn a hole through him." Gabriel's voice was soft, for once, and not teasing. "We can go if you want."

Typical of Gabriel to offer him a way out.

"Let me finish my beer." Cas said, and Gabe nodded solemnly.

Dean had felt every second of Cas's inspection. Jo had been hinting at talking to Cas since he'd arrived, but Dean refused. He wasn't opening that bag of snakes again.

He had overheard, though, that Cas had turned in his dissertation today. The one he'd written about love.

Thinking back, he and Cas had never been the sappy, confessional types. It was just an unspoken fact that they loved each other. He supposed he should have told him how he felt at least once.

Self-loathing tore through him, and he winced as though it was physical. There were a lot of things in his life that he would do differently if he could.

He finished his drink and left money on the counter for Jo.

The streets of the sleepy town were quiet. A humid summer breeze ruffled Dean's hair, and he turned down the alley, on his way to Baby 2, when a rock hard fist connected with his stomach.

Coughing, Dean whirled blindly as another fist caught his left eye. A foot knocked his knees out from under him, and then another foot stomped on his wrist. Pain shot up his arm like a million volts of lightning.

"Who's there?" he asked, speaking around the blood pooling in his mouth.

"The King wants his money, Winchester. You have two weeks. Or else."

As an exclamation point, the gangsters slammed Dean's face into the gravel.

The world went black.

"Oh my god, Dean!" Jo. Jo's voice. Dean knew it was her by the panic in her tone.

"Mm okay." Dean slurred.

"Mom! Bobby!" Jo shouted. The two older adults came running out, and, to Dean's shock, so did Gabriel and Cas.

Cas's face was as white as a sheet, he noticed bleakly, before passing out again.

He woke up at Lawrence Memorial.

Taking inventory of his injuries, his arm was in a sling and his face hurt like a bitch. He could move his toes, legs, and fingers though. Nothing permanent.

"Dean, oh thank God." Mom. Sam. Oh, god.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked, his voice raspy and throat dry. Sam gave him a plastic cup of ice water without a word, expression stormy.

"We're fine Dean, how can you ask that?" Mary demanded. "You were mugged, we should be asking how you are."

"I'll live." Dean said gruffly.

"You will indeed, though you'll need to take some time off from work at the garage."

A man in a white lab coat and a stethoscope around his neck came into the room, looking over what was presumably Dean's file.

"Dr. Moore," Mary said, standing.

"His worst injury is a broken arm." Jess's father stated, gaze meeting Sam's briefly.

"But that's not where it ends," another new voice came in, and Dean groaned in protest.

"You called the cops?" he asked his family.

Sheriff Jody Mills' arms were crossed over her chest, badge gleaming in the fluorescent lights. Brunette hair was cut short, and kind face was hidden with a mask of professionalism.

"Mr. Winchester," she began, and Dean winced. "Dean," she tried again. "Do you know who did this to you?"

 _"_ _The King wants his money, Winchester. Or else."_

"No idea." Dean said gruffly, not meeting the sheriff's eyes.

He wasn't protecting Crowley or his goons; he was protecting himself and his family. If the cops got wind of mob activity, even the slightest bit, he'd be dead by sunrise. Crowley was King of Lawrence for a reason; he knew how to beat the system.

"Are you sure?" Jody asked, and Dean offered a pained shrug. Every movement of his left arm felt like a million bruises. "Well, okay. We'll investigate further, and if you remember anything, Dean, please tell us."

Dean nodded tersely. The sheriff left.

"Hey, mom." Sam said once Jody was gone. "Can you go get me some coffee?"

"Sure, honey," Mary said, though she looked hesitant to leave Dean.

"I'm fine, Mom." Dean told her, and, seemingly satisfied, Mary left.

Sam met his brother's gaze. "What?" Dean demanded.

"You know who did this." It wasn't a question.

"No I don't." Dean lied.

"Come on Dean, I'm not stupid. I know that you didn't have the money for dad's funeral in some hidden savings account."

Dean's head whipped toward his brother. Sam's eyebrows were raised. "Not for anything, but you never used to think ahead, especially not long enough to predict Dad's liver failure. So you got the money from somewhere else. Some _one_ else."

"Leave it, Sammy. I'm handling it." Dean growled.

"The black eye, broken arm, and messed up face say otherwise." Sam snapped. "Why would you be so stupid as to work with _Crowley,_ Dean?!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't want Mom to lose the house!" Dean shouted back.

"Dean." Both brothers turned to face their mother; she held a steaming Styrofoam cup.

"Shit." Dean swore. "This is your fault." He threw at Sam, who cast him a bitchface.

"Dean Winchester, do you mean to tell me that you made a deal with Crowley, the mob boss, on my behalf?"

Something in her tone made Dean feel like he was five years old and had accidentally broken the neighbor's window with a baseball. Again.

"I didn't want you to lose the house, Mom. Dad was a useless, stubborn bastard that thought he was too good for life insurance and you would've suffered for it!"

"How much do you owe him?" Mary asked, her voice still laced with that deadly calm.

Dean muttered something. "Speak. Up."

"Ten grand."

The coffee cup fell to the floor, the brown liquid splattering across the tile.

"10, 000 dollars, Dean?" Sam nearly shrieked, sounding almost exactly like the girl Dean always teased him for being.

"I told you, I have it taken care of." Dean grumbled, still not looking his mother or brother in the eye. "I only need another $500."

"Then that will come from me."

The three Winchesters whirled to face the newcomer.

Castiel stood in the doorway.

Dean's mouth dropped open.

"No, Cas – you don't have too-"

"Don't argue with me, Dean." Cas told him. "Am I correct in assuming you don't have medical insurance?"

Dean bowed his head, which was answer enough. "Your hospital bill is sure to be astronomical. I will help with that as well, if my assistance is welcomed." He glanced at Mary, who was still staring at him as though she'd never seen him before. "Mary, Sam, may I speak with Dean alone for a moment?"

The two looked at each other, then at Dean, then at Cas, and nodded.

Cas approached Dean's bed, and despite his bravado, Dean could see the fear and nervousness in those blue eyes.

 _Scared of me, no doubt. God, I'm such a worthless piece of shit._

"I'm not scared of you, Dean. I'm scared for you." Cas told him, as though reading his mind. "When Jo found you in that alley…you looked…" Cas clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles whitened.

"Devilishly handsome?" Dean supplied with a weak chuckle.

"Now is not the time for jokes." Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, navy blue looking notebook.

A checkbook.

"Cas no, I'm not taking your money." Dean argued.

"It's not taking if it's freely given." Cas told him, and Dean swallowed hard. He wrote out the check with brutal efficiency, and left it on the bedside table. "Take care, Dean."

Something about that sounded like a goodbye. Cas stood up and began walking toward the door.

It sounded final.

"Cas." Dean said, and the other man paused. "Where are you going?"

"Home, Dean. I'm going home."

Cas didn't leave room for any more questions, and Dean leaned his head back against the pillows and sighed heavily.

The suitcase seemed to taunt him as he stared at it.

 _You're too much of a coward to leave, and you know it._

 _I did it before._

 _You barely went a half hour away. If you really wanted to leave, you should've gone back to Salt Lake._

Cas sighed.

"Cassie?" It was Anna; her voice soft. "Going somewhere?"

"I…" Cas bit his lip, bowing his head. "I…can't stay here, Anna. The pain, the longing, I can't take it."

"Then let's go on vacation." She said. "Let's go to Windom."

In their years on the run, Gabriel, Anna, and Castiel had spent time in numerous big cities and small towns, starting in Salt Lake City, Utah, and ending up in New York City at one point. They'd hitchhiked and stolen cars, and once Anna was old enough to rent vehicles, they'd do that as well. Ending up in Lawrence, then Topeka, and back to Lawrence had been a change to their usual routine of travel, but they figured that if their brothers truly wanted to find them, they would.

Cas looked at the suitcase once more.

"Did I hear someone say vacay?" Gabe's voice shattered the silence. "Let's go!"

"No, Gabriel." Anna said quietly. "You need to stay here and watch the house. This is just for Castiel and I."

Gabriel stared at his sister.

"But…we've never split up. Ever." Gabriel said, voice small and childlike.

"It's only for the weekend. Cas needs peace and quiet, and no offense Gabe, but you're the opposite of that. Besides, don't you have a giant to woo?"

Gabriel's face lit up at the thought of Sam, and Cas's chest ached once again.

Anna was right, he did need a vacation. He looked out his bedroom window, toward the highway and beyond.

To Windom, then.

A/N: It only took five chapters, but I made it to my ten page goal! Woohoo! I'm literally so proud of what this story has become. It's given me a chance to really develop my writing and improve my overall confidence.

Warning, chapter 6 is going to be a doozy; lots of explanation and angst to come. I'm also going to change the tags to include trigger warnings for abuse, so yeah.

Please leave kudos/comment/review!

Thanks in advance!

-Charmy


	6. Separation Anxiety

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Six: Separation Anxiety

 _"Get out of my house." John Winchester growled, pointing his fork at Castiel._

 _"John!" Mary cried, scandalized. "Being gay is as natural as being straight."_

 _"Is not." John growled. "It's disgusting and wrong, and I won't have it in my house!"_

 _Cas recoiled as though he'd been struck. Dean squeezed his boyfriend's hand and glared at John._

 _"Are you deaf? I said get out!" John shouted, rising to his feet._

Castiel tossed and turned in his sleep – the dream was always the same, and the reality never changed when he woke up.

 _"If he leaves, I leave too!" Dean yelled, and Cas stared at him._

 _"Fine, go!" John gestured toward the door._

 _Mary stared in shock as Dean took Cas's hand and left the house. Sam wasn't there; he was at a school event, but they already had his full support._

 _"Dean, you can't just-that's your father – your family-" Cas babbled breathlessly. In the middle of the lawn, Dean stopped walking and gripped the sides of Cas's face._

 _"I'd do anything for you." He kissed him, harsh and unyielding. Cas whimpered._

Shooting up in bed, Cas's hand shot to his racing heart, while the other hand reached for the lamp.

Anna rolled over in the cot opposite him, so he changed his mind about turning on the light – wait, Anna? They hadn't shared a room since their first year or so on the run…

Cas looked around wildly and then he remembered.

Windom, Minnesota. That's where he was.

427 miles from Lawrence, and 427 miles from Dean.

As far as his subconscious was concerned, though, Dean was right next to him in the Roadhouse. Or in the hospital bed. Or in the back of the Impala.

Cas tried not to think about Dean's bloodied face in Jo's lap, the unnatural angle his arm had taken, or anything to do with Dean.

But, as usual, his mind wouldn't allow that.

Knowing he wouldn't get back to sleep, he quietly removed his covers and slipped on an undershirt. It was almost sunrise anyway, perhaps he could make breakfast for Kate to thank her for her hospitality.

No, the dream was simply a case of wishful thinking. Dean had not stood up to his father, nor had he run away with Cas. You can wish for something as hard as you want, but that would never make it true.

The truth was, Cas had left the Winchester house, gone home, stared at his cell phone the entire night, only for Dean to break up with him the next morning.

There was no word Cas could conjure that would describe the pain he'd felt when Dean told him they were done.

For the first time in his life, Castiel Novak skipped school. He abandoned his classes and professors, and drove to Topeka, where Anna and Gabriel had been at the time. They'd taken him in without question, of course, and by the end of that week, Cas was living with them once again.

Anna and Gabe, bless their souls, didn't pester him. They just let him grieve, let him cry himself to sleep, let him do whatever he needed to do to feel better.

Despite all that, all the pain and agony he'd gone through, he still wondered _why._ What had happened after he left that caused Dean to end their relationship? They had been happy, so deliriously happy together, it just didn't make sense.

"Oh, good morning Castiel," Kate Milligan said, walking into the room, already in her nursing scrubs.

"Good morning Kate," he said, and she smiled warmly at him.

"You know, Adam is coming home for the summer tomorrow – are you going to be here to see him?"

Cas thought about it.

"Most likely. I have one final exam next week that I'll have to return to Lawrence for, but that isn't until Wednesday. Unless Anna has some prior engagement I'm unaware of, then I believe we will be here to see him."

Kate beamed.

"He'll be thrilled to see the both of you, although he always idolized Gabriel the most."

Cas laughed.

"It's a good thing he's not here to hear that, we wouldn't want his ego blowing up even more." Cas told her, and Kate chuckled. "Are you going into work, then?"

"Yes, 7 to 7." Kate said. "Long day, but good money, so it works out."

"Do you have time for breakfast?" Cas asked, glancing at the clock on the microwave. 5:32 am stared back at him

"Hmm. I suppose. Are you cooking?"

Cas smiled.

"I know that Anna and Gabriel were always the chefs, but I've been told I make a mean bacon and cheese omelet." Kate laughed and sat down at the small table, gesturing grandly.

"Then by all means, fire away."

Meanwhile, 427 miles away, Dean's dream was the truest of all nightmares.

 _"I won't have a faggot for a son!" John roared. Dean tried to defend himself but nothing could stop his father's rage._

 _John's fist landed hard on Dean's chest and stomach in quick succession, making him see stars and want to vomit._

 _"JOHN!" Mary shrieked. "Stop it!" John didn't seem to hear her as he shoved Dean into the living room, which was opposite the kitchen. John pulled his leg back and kicked Dean square between his legs, sending him to the floor in a heap._

 _"Maybe that'll get your boy loving cock to work right." John snarled. Mary fell to her knees by her son, and glared up at her husband with tear encrusted eyes._

 _"John Winchester, you get out of my house right now." Mary told him, stroking Dean's face and hair. "Go sober up at Bobby's or something, I don't care, just get the **fuck** out of my house, you son of a bitch!" _

_John stared at his wife, lip curling._

 _"He's a freak, Mary, he doesn't deserve your protection."_

 _"He's my son." Mary replied, choking on her tears. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll leave. Or you and I are **done.**_ "

 _John said nothing, and showed no remorse for his actions as he grabbed the Impala's keys from the table and stormed out. A few moments later, the car came to life and John was gone. "I love you, Dean. No matter what." Dean looked up at her with glassy, unfocused eyes._

 _"I'm just glad…" Dean coughed, and Mary laid him flat on his back, grabbing a pillow from the sofa for his head. "That Sammy didn't see."_

 _Mary grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss against the top of his palm, whispering apologies and promises that no one but the two of them could hear._

Dean shot up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat. The darkened hospital room stared back at him, and the machines beeped on.

With his good arm, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. The next part of the memory was probably the worst.

 _"You'll have to break up with him." Mary told him softly. He was in his bed now, his mother sitting on the side and brushing a loving hand over his face. "I don't know what your father will do, and I know you'd never forgive yourself if he got hurt."_

 _"You're right." Dean said, resigned. "Why is Dad such a…" he searched for the word._

 _"Homophobe?" Mary supplied, and Dean nodded. "I suspect it goes back to his time in the Marines. The US Armed Forces aren't the most accepting group."_

 _Dean glanced over at his phone, the unread messages from Cas taunting him. Mary turned the phone over so it was face down. "Get some rest. The angels are watching over you."_

 _Dean rolled his eyes at the old comfort, but cuddled into his bed. Mary watched him for a few minutes, waiting until he fell into a sound sleep, before leaving the room for the night._

Dean blinked away tears. He had so many regrets about that night, and about every day that followed. Every day that he was without Cas, he'd started to loathe himself and his father more and more. Not a day went by that he didn't regret their breakup.

His hand brushed against his chest and stomach, where the long healed bruises had once been.

"I have to talk to him. I have to make things right." Dean said to himself, quietly making a promise.

"Cas isn't here." Gabriel said with a dismissive shrug, throwing back a glass of beer. "He went on vacation with our sister."

"For how long?" Dean demanded.

"None of your business, princess." Gabriel snarked.

Dean had been released from the hospital that morning, and, since he couldn't drive Baby 2 with one hand, he'd had to bum a ride to the Roadhouse from Sam.

Sam, who was currently looking at Gabriel with longing in his eyes.

Sam, his little brother who would do pretty much anything for him.

Dean smiled.

"Sam, can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked his brother, who gave him an inquisitive look but nodded.

"No, no way in hell, Dean!" Sam told him. I'm not seducing answers from Gabriel for you. That's twisted and wrong. Just wait until Cas gets back and talk to him then."

"Come on, I need something to go on." Dean wheedled. "I saw that look in your eyes earlier. You like him."

"I do not!" Sam protested. "He's a womanizer and a gambler."

"So was I. What's your point?" Dean asked him.

Sam, to his credit, didn't give Dean a bitchface like he expected. Instead, he sighed a ran a hand through his hair.

"I like…that he's actually been trying. Trying to…" he searched for the word.

"Woo you?" Dean asked with a smirk. _Now_ Sam gave him a bitchface.

"I'm not a girl." Sam grumbled, but continued. "He's been trying to get to know me, actually talk to me instead of get in my pants."

Dean watched his brother's expressions change and altered his game plan.

"Look, just get him to tell you when Cas is coming back and I'll leave you alone. Hell, I'll even give you my blessing."

Sam snorted, but smiled.

Plan in place, Dean made it a point to sit at the bar as far away from the pool tables as possible so he couldn't be accused of eavesdropping.

It was this decision that gave him the chance to talk to Jo, who just looked really unhappy, even though she was trying to hide it.

"So, you gonna tell me what's wrong or am I going to have to force it out of you?" he asked her, and she glanced up at him, startled.

"Nothing's wrong." She lied, not meeting his eyes.

"Uh huh." Dean said, finishing his Coke and Red Bull and sliding it toward her. "You're like my little sister, Jo. Do I have to kick some guy in the nuts? Cause I will."

Jo giggled, but it turned to a sigh.

"No, it's just…I want to go to college."

"KU?" Dean asked. Jo shook her head.

"SUNY in Albany." Jo said, pressing the backs of her hands against the bar to slide on top and over so she could sit next to him. "I want to study criminal justice."

"Wow." Jo punched his shoulder. "What? It was a good wow!"

Dean did his best not to rub his arm; she could hit hard when she wanted too.

"But my mom doesn't want me to go so far away. She's afraid I won't come back, like my dad didn't."

"But…your dad died." Dean said.

"It's all the same to her. She'd rather I go to KU or at least somewhere in Kansas, but I just…I want to see the big city. All the lights, and people, and things to do, I want to experience all of that." Jo ran a hand through her long blond hair. "We've been arguing about it for weeks. The admissions deadline is in a few days and even though I've tried to get the recommendation letters and everything I need, she's blocked me at every turn. I applied to a few other places, but they all rejected me. SUNY's my last shot."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Dean offered. Jo's head whipped up.

"You'd do that?"

"I can see how much this means to you, Jo, and if that means facing your mom, well I'll deal with it."

Jo wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a crushing hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dean!" she squealed, in a completely un-Jo-like fashion. Dean patted her back awkwardly but smiled earnestly when she pulled away.

"Not a problem, kid. Not a problem." Dean told her.

Ellen Harvelle was a woman of strength, dignity, and a huge heart. She ran the Roadhouse in her late husband's honor and believed herself to be a good mother and wife to Bobby.

However, she wasn't without weakness, and one of her biggest ones was the idea of loss, most especially death.

So, realistically, not wanting her daughter to go to school so far away made a lot of sense, it just wasn't fair to Jo.

Which was where Dean came in.

Since he'd been coming to the Roadhouse since his forehead reached the bar, he figured he could go into the staff only area as long as he didn't mess anything up.

So he did.

Ellen's "office" if you could call it that, was tucked away in an upgraded closet in the kitchen. It was just big enough to fit a desk, her chair, and two chairs in front of her. Pictures lined her desk and walls and despite its size it was very homey.

"Hey, Ellen," Dean said, coming into the room.

"Dean," Ellen said kindly. "Come on in."

Dean sat down in one of the chairs and instantly felt squeezed. He forced himself to focus on why he was there.

"How are you? How's the Roadhouse doing?"

"I'm all right as can be, and the Roadhouse is good." Ellen raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Can't a guy inquire on his godmother's behalf?" Dean asked with a winning smile.

"He can if he doesn't have a hidden agenda." Ellen said suspiciously.

Sweat ran down the back of Dean's neck, but he forced himself to remain calm. Shifting his arm slightly, he tried not to scratch under his cast, but it hurt like a bitch.

"I was talking to Jo a few minutes ago and-"

"Let me stop you right there Dean." Ellen looked away from her computer and clasped her hands in front of her, meeting his gaze. "I've told Jo multiple times, she's not going to New York. It's too far, and way too expensive."

Dean considered his next words wisely.

"When Sammy left for Stanford, my mom was a wreck. She couldn't understand why he was going so far. He needed the experience, he needed to live somewhere other than Lawrence. It didn't matter that he would end up transferring to KU in two years when my dad died. At the time, going to Palo Alto was the most important thing to him. So my mom sucked it up and let him go."

Ellen sighed.

"The difference between Mary and I – and believe me, I have all the respect in the world for your mama – is that she didn't promise your father to keep either of you in Kansas. Bill never wanted Jo to leave, and he told me that from the start. I respected his wishes, and I still am to this day."

"Would Bill want her to be miserable though?" Dean asked softly. "Cause that's what's going to happen if she stays here. He died when she was so little she barely remembers him. It's unfair to her to stop her from achieving her dreams just because of something her dad said fourteen years ago."

Silence fell between them.

Dean stood up, shifting his cast awkwardly. He leaves her to think on what he said.

He's not surprised to find that Jo had been listening in – or, trying too, in the noisy kitchen.

"She basically made a deathbed promise to your dad that she'd keep you in Kansas." Dean told her. "I don't think she **_wants_** to stop you. She just feels like she has too."

Jo stared at her shoes for a few minutes, biting her bottom lip.

"Thank you, Dean. Seriously, this means the world to me."

He pulled her into a hug with his good arm and rested his chin on the top of her head.

When he did, he saw Sam was standing **awfully** close to Gabriel.

 _You go get 'im, Sammy._

Their mouths were only a few inches apart, eyes closed and desire tangible in the air around them. Sam's hand covered Gabriel's on the side of the pool table, and his voice was a whisper on the wind as he said,

"Tell me, Gabe."

Gabriel groaned like a dying animal.

"You're evil, Sam Winchester. Completely and totally evil."

"You like me though. You like me…" he pointedly glanced down at Gabriel's crotch, where evidence of his arousal was present. "An awful lot."

"If I do tell you when Cas is coming home, what do I get out of it?"

Sam paled – he hadn't thought this far ahead. "Ah ha." Gabriel said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "You actually don't like me. You just want answers."

"That's not true!" Sam blurted. Gabriel met his gaze. Sam blushed under the intense stare, and cursed Gabriel for making him feel like he was 13 again.

"I, uh…" Sam swallowed thickly, his heart pounding as Gabriel continued to stare into his eyes. "I…"

"Spit it out, Sammy-boy."

"Don't call me Sammy." Sam said reflexively. Gabriel smirked, but made a 'continue on' motion with his hand. "I want to go out with you. I really, really do."

"I'm sensing a but here, and not the one I like." Gabriel smacked Sam's butt for emphasis, and Sam let out an undignified squeak.

"But…I mean six months ago I thought I was getting married. Isn't it…you know, too soon?"

Gabriel looked toward the bar, where Jess was talking animatedly with Garth, of all people. Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she regarded him, and Sam caught the signature smile that until recently, had been directed at him.

"I don't think so, Sam. I really don't." Gabriel said softly. "Wednesday."

"Huh?" Sam asked intelligently.

"Cas. He comes home on Wednesday. Anna texted me this morning." Gabe took his phone from his pocket to show Sam.

 _Anna Banana_

 _We're coming home Wednesday, G. Think you can hold down the fort till then? ;)_

"Now, I held up my end of the bargain. What do I get in return?" Gabe knocked his head against Sam's chin, and Sam marveled at the way Gabe seemed to fit along his neck.

"A date. Well, I mean we could just got for coffee on KU's campus since I have finals but…" Gabriel pressed a finger against Sam's lips.

"Sounds perfect to me." Gabe told him, smiling widely.

Sam couldn't help but smile in return.

Dean's phone buzzed a few minutes later.

 _Sammy_

 _Cas comes home on Wednesday. You're welcome._

Dean scoffed at the obvious sarcasm in Sam's message, but sent a quick 'thank you' nonetheless.

With the question answered, Dean put the rest of his plan in motion.

The next morning, Cas made breakfast for Kate again, and she thanked him profusely as she normally only had time for gas station coffee and a protein bar.

"Adam should be home midafternoon. Takes about two hours or so to get from River Falls." She told him.

"I'm looking forward to seeing him." Cas said, setting up the coffee for himself and Anna.

Kate's fork clanged against the plate as she looked at Castiel. Something seemed different about the boy she had come to know. She'd met him when he was 11, just becoming a man and so innocent. Now, at 25, he seemed…well, not less innocent, but definitely more guarded. Like he had something to protect.

Even though she was curious, she decided to protect Cas's privacy and just provide him a place to rest his head.

Kate kissed his cheek in a display of maternal affection, and it made something in Cas's chest grow warm. His own mother had died giving birth to him, so he suspected that it had something to do with that.

This was where Gabe would undoubtedly tell him to stop psychoanalyzing himself.

Cas scoffed and shook his head, pouring himself some coffee and leaning against the counter. The window over the kitchen sink opened up to show a green lawn with dandelions and weeds peaking out.

He finished his coffee in one gulp and went to retrieve his sketchbook.

Along with studying psychology, Cas had minored in art history and drawing, two of his other main passions. He found the arts fascinating and beautiful, and had been practicing for years.

That's where Anna found him three hours later, drawing an idyllic picnic on that same lawn, featuring himself and Dean.

Dean's head was thrown back in laughter, and Cas was smiling too. The drawing looked almost like a photograph rather than a sketch, and Anna's heart squeezed at the sight.

"I wish I could draw like you." She told her brother, kissing the top of his head.

"I wish I could paint like you." Castiel returned.

A car rumbled into the driveway, and both Anna and Cas grinned at Adam as he climbed out of the car.

"Cas, Anna!" he said happily, running over to them. "How are you guys?" Adam asked them, and the Novaks filled Adam in on their lives since they saw him last. Cas closed his sketchbook and forced down the longing in his heart as Dean's grin disappeared behind the filled pages.

Ambling down the stairs of his childhood home, Sam yawned and ran a hand through his bedhead. His mom was outside gardening, so when he found the completed application for University of Kansas on the table, he grinned.

 _Sammy,_

 _Fine, you win. Take this to campus for me, would ya?_

 _Thanks,_

 _Dean_

"You sure about this, Dean?" Bobby asked as the older man led him to his private garage.

"I've never been surer of anything, Bobby." Dean said.

"Not for anything, but when I brought this up before you ran like hell." Bobby told him.

"I know. I'm not running now, though." Dean replied, and helped Bobby push up the garage door, revealing the Impala to them both. "First thing's first, gotta clean her up."

Bobby left Dean to his work, making sure he was within shouting distance. The idjit still had a broken arm and black eye, after all.

A/N: Voila! Told you this one would be a doozy. 12 pages of angst and Sabriel fluff right here. Hope you guys enjoyed and I answered your questions!

Please review/comment/leave kudos! Thanks in advance!

-Charmy


	7. Beautiful Disaster

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Seven: Beautiful Disaster

 **Note: This is where the 'explicit' rating really means something. Like, really. There's gonna be A LOT of sexual tension released in the next few chapters. If that bothers you, you can skip over those scenes and still enjoy the story. (I hope)**

 **With that said, please enjoy!**

"Brought you some food," Sam's voice carries over Dean's Led Zeppelin tape, and Dean rolled out from under the Impala to retrieve it.

"Ellen's bacon cheeseburger," he said appreciatively. "And _fries_. You do love me."

Sam rolled his eyes but looked over their father's car.

"This car has so many memories." Sam commented. "Remember the Legos and army men?"

Dean laughed and nodded. His gaze falls on the backseat of the car and a memory hits him like a truck.

 _Dean had only meant to kiss Cas once before he started the engine, but something in the other man's eyes had him hypnotized._

 _Their mouths met in a clash of hot desire and before either knew what was happening, they'd climbed into the backseat and were removing each other's clothes._

 _"Top or bottom?" Dean asked breathlessly, peppering Cas's jaw and neck with kisses._

 _"B-Bottom," Cas stammered, and Dean smiled._

 _Once they were both naked, Dean had Cas on his back and his legs lifted so his puckered entrance was open to him._

 _"F-Fuck, Dean…" Cas groaned as Dean prepped him, pressing one, two, three fingers inside the entrance and pumping them in and out. "Please, I'm ready…"_

 _Dean lined up his member with the hole and pressed himself inside._

 _Cas hissed at the intrusion._

 _"So tight for me angel mmmm…" Dean moaned, pressing more and more of himself inside._

 _"Dean please…" Cas begged, his blue eyes so widely dilated they were almost black._

 _Dean kissed Cas hard, their stubble scratching deliciously between them as Dean fully sheathed himself inside Cas._

 _"F-Fuck…" Cas groaned. "Dean, move. I'm ready."_

 _Dean did so, and Cas moaned his name over and over._

"Dean!" Sam grabbed Dean's shoulder, and Dean blinked.

"Huh?"

"Where did you go?" Sam asked, and with a cursory glance downward, he second-guessed himself. "Maybe it's better I don't know."

Dean swore as he realized that a damn _memory_ had gotten him hard.

"Shut up, Samantha," Dean said as he stormed toward the nearby table to eat his lunch.[G1] [G2]

"So, you applied to KU," Sam said after a few minutes.[G3] [G4]

"Yeah? What's your point?" Dean asked around a mouthful of food.

"I'm proud of you," Sam said, and despite himself, Dean preened at the acknowledgment. "Did you tell mom?"[G5] [G6]

"Nothing to tell her yet," [G7] Dean said, biting a fry. [G8]

Sam opened his mouth to say something else, but his phone dinged to indicate a text message. The goofy smile that ensued after he read the message made Dean want to gag.

"Please tell me Gabriel's contact in your phone is 'Prince Charming'." Dean teased. Sam shot him a bitchface, and Dean raised his hands defensively. "As long as that asshole treats you like the princess you are, that's all that matters to me."

"Same goes for Cas," Sam smirks as Dean raises a middle finger in his brother's general direction. "He's back by the way. Came home this morning."[G9] [G10]

"And you know that because you stayed at their apartment, right?"

Sam blushed, and Dean cackled.

"Nothing happened!" Sam claimed. "Seriously. We went out for coffee yesterday and…he didn't even try anything."

"You don't sound too happy about that," Dean said, and Sam, if possible got even redder.[G11] [G12]

"Shut up, jerk," Sam grumbled.[G13] [G14]

"Bitch," Dean replied affectionately. "I think she's ready to be started up. Wanna sit in the passenger side? Like old times?"[G15] [G16]

Sam grinned.

"Sure."

The Winchesters climbed into the Impala and Dean pushed the key into the ignition, turning it over and almost cheering as Baby responds.

"Listen to her purr," Dean said proudly.

"Four days of almost no food or sleep and she's already running. That's impressive, even for you." Sam commented. Dean rolled his eyes. "And with one arm, no less."

Dean shifted his arm in the sling. "Did you pay Crowley yet?"

Silence met the question.

"I've been kind of busy." Dean groused.

"Dean…" Sam sighed. "The longer you let this drag out, the tighter Crowley will hold on."

"I know…I just I don't want to use Cas's money. It feels wrong."

"He gave it to you for a reason, Dean. He doesn't want to see you get hurt or killed if you miss another deadline."

Dean turned off the Impala's engine and leaned his head back against the bench. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"You're probably right." He admitted. "Fine. I'll pay him tonight."

"Swear to me," Sam said, and Dean gave him a disapproving look. "Swear on dad's grave."[G17] [G18]

"Fine. I swear on Dad's grave that I'll pay my debt to Crowley tonight."

Satisfied, Sam climbed out of the Impala. Dean followed and rested his good arm on the roof. He stared into the Kansas summer sun and after a few moments went back to work.[G19]

Five days in Windom had been just what Castiel needed. He felt refreshed and confident in a way that he hadn't in a while. His heart still ached, but it was more of a dull throb now, a manageable pain.

Gabriel had clearly made serious progress with Sam if Cas and Anna walking in on the two men sleeping on the couch was anything to go by.[G20]

Cas's final went well, and once it was completed he got a pass from Dr. Briggs to retrieve his graduation tickets.

Going to the registrar's office felt surreal; he had dreamt of this moment for so long. More than craving Dean with every fiber of his being, Cas had wanted to earn his Masters. It meant the world to him that he could finally celebrate his achievements.

Three tickets were standard, any more than that and the university charged extra. He knew the first two were for Anna and Gabriel, without question, but the third…his mind went to Dean.

 _No. Why would he even want to come? Surely you know someone…anyone else._

But he kept drawing up blanks as he tried to remember. He'd made a variety of friends over the years of travel, but none felt significant enough to invite to an event such as this. Not even Adam or Kate, long drive from Minnesota to Kansas aside, the only face that kept popping up in his mind was Dean's.

A warm summer breeze ruffled Cas's hair and he looked toward the sun, intense and bright. He imagined that was how Dean's soul would appear if he were able to see it.[G21]

He stared down at the ticket and decided there was no harm in trying.

"I have my tickets for graduation," Cas announced when he got home.

"Aw, that's great Cassie!" Gabriel cheered. "When's the big day?"

"May 13," Cas replied. "I think I'm going to invite Dean. I have an extra ticket."[G22] [G23]

"Are you sure?" Anna asked, after sharing a look with Gabriel.

"I want him to be there. I won't pretend that I can be friends with him, but he…he's important to me." Castiel answered.

"If you think that's best Cas," Anna said after a few minutes.

"I do." Cas nodded, and to his surprise, he felt the certainty in his chest.[G24] [G25] [G26] [G27] [G28] [G29]

"Then let's go to the Roadhouse. He's sure to be there." Gabe said.

"And Sam," Anna teased with a shoulder shove at her little brother. Gabe blushed.

"Shut up, Anna." He grumbled, and Cas smiled at his siblings, warmth blossoming from his heart outward.

To the Novaks' collective surprise, Dean was not at the Roadhouse, although Sam was. The graduation ticket seemed to burn a hole in Cas's pocket, and he tried not to let the disappointment hit him like a physical blow.

Jo, seeing the look on Cas's face, played a classic rock station on the jukebox, her eyes alight with mischief. Led Zeppelin began to echo throughout the bar, and Jess realized what she was doing immediately.

"You're a little shit," Jess told her, and Jo smirked.

"Who, me?" she asked innocently.

Jess shook her head and when she looked up again, her eyes fell on Sam and Gabriel. Gabe's hand was on Sam's elbow, and Sam had a bemused smile on his face. Something in Jess's stomach tugged, not longing, she hadn't felt that way about Sam in months, but worry. Gabe's reputation was not good, and she didn't want to see Sam get hurt.

Before she could confront either of them though, she was distracted by Garth Fitzgerald IV. He was goofy and sweet, the kind of guy that had his own way of doing things but still managed to be cool about it.

"So…Jess," Garth hedged. "Would you like too...you know...go out sometime?"

Flattered, Jess smiled widely.

"I'd like that, Garth."

Hell's Gate was a building of gray cinderblock and despair. Dean imagined it was what Hell itself would be like if such a place existed.[G30]

"Password?" One of Crowley's many goons asked Dean.

"Hellhound," Dean replied, and the guard let him pass.[G31] [G32]

"The boss is in his office." He added.

Dean shouldered his way through the rest of the people in the seedy establishment, grunting when some responded by purposefully hitting his injured arm.

"Ah, Dean," Crowley said once Dean got to his office. "I trust you have something for me?"[G33] [G34]

Dean withdrew both the check for $9,500 from his bank account the Cas's check for $500. Despite the guilt that clawed at his gut, he knew that it was better to be done with this for good.

He slid them across Crowley's desk, and Crowley appraised them both, raising them to the light to check for fraud.

"Now I want something from you," Dean said, shoving down his nervousness as he met the gaze of the King of Lawrence. "I want you and all of your associates to stay away from [G35] me and my family and friends. And the Novaks. All of them." [G36]

Crowley cocked his head. "I'm serious, Crowley. You swear on your business you leave them all alone, or I tell the cops who actually attacked me. You definitely don't want them snooping around."

"Nobility is a rare occurrence in regular people, Dean," Crowley told him. "You borrowed money from me to help your mother, and now you're asking me to stay away from those you love in order to protect them from your mistake."[G37] [G38]

Dean said nothing, just continued staring into Crowley's eyes. "Fine. I'll leave them all alone. You have my word."

"Swear it."

"Excuse me?"

"Swear it. Swear on your business that you mean it."

"Are we still in elementary school, Dean?"

Dean ignored the jab. " _Fine_ you insufferable child. I swear on my business that I will leave you and your dear ones alone."

"Good. We're done here then."

Crowley nodded, and Dean left Hell's Gate without any problems. He walked the familiar streets of Lawrence, freer than he'd ever felt.[G39]

He went back to his apartment that night and had a Clint Eastwood movie marathon well into the night.

The next morning, while most of Lawrence was still asleep, Mary Winchester carried a bouquet of white orchids to the local cemetery, where her husband's remains lay buried under six feet of dirt and grass.

"Hi, John," Mary said, sitting down on the [G40] grave site, facing the stone.[G41]

 _JOHN E. WINCHESTER_

 _Beloved Father and Husband_

 _1954-2015_

"I know I don't come to see you nearly enough," Mary began. "I'm sorry for that. For the first few months after your death, I was so angry at you. So, so angry for letting your addiction destroy us." Tears began to form at the edges of her eyes as she continued. "So angry at you for hurting Dean, for forcing him to break up with the man he loved." Mary sniffled, pausing. A few moments passed as she stared at the letters that spelled John's name. "But I eventually learned that anger is a waste of energy. I let myself grieve, and while I will never stop loving you, I've stopped hating you. You were a good man, one with a kind and gentle heart."

Tears fell down her cheeks in rivers as she pressed a kiss to her shaking fingertips. The stone was cold and slightly damp to the touch, and she let a sob come out. "Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for giving me the boys. Thank you…I love you."

Mary stood and the petals of the orchids shifted slightly with the summer air. She looked up at the sun and smiled.

A/N: Don't ask me where Jess/Garth came from. It made sense for the narrative, okay?!

-coughs- Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this slightly filler-y chapter. The next few will be chock full of plot, Destiel, Sabriel, and just lovely Supernatural goodness. Hope you guys enjoyed!

Please comment/review/leave kudos!

-Charmy


	8. Marked Men

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Eight: Marked Men

For as long as Castiel could remember, he'd loved to draw.

He knew that it had developed from a hobby into a passion at one point or another, so much so that he'd mastered drawing while riding in the car, a feat of its own. At one point, he'd even considered following Anna's path and getting his degree in that field.

However, he felt just as fascinated by psychology as he did by art, so he settled for his minors and keeping his pastime to himself.

Looking through his sketchbook now, he could almost see the chapters in his life like one of his favorite novels. The start of the book was filled with somewhat mediocre drawings of his brothers and sister, and there was even one of his parents, but as he got older he would draw some of his favorite places they'd been too.

Las Vegas had been fun, especially once they were all of age. Then New York, Orlando, Austin, Milwaukee, Los Angeles, Seattle, Albuquerque, Kansas City…

Then, finally, Lawrence.

His first drawing in the small town had been of KU's logo, and around it, he had doodled various college-related things.

Then, once he met and began dating Dean, a new chapter unfolded.

The drawings focused on Dean from there on out, either on the man himself or on things that he liked. He found one drawing of the Impala that he was sure Dean would love, had he ever had the courage to show him his drawings.

He'd thought about it hundreds, probably thousands of times, but had never done so. Maybe it was because it represented a part of his heart that he hadn't wanted to open to Dean? He didn't know.

Castiel came to one picture in particular, and his heart stopped.

His most treasured piece: a drawing of Dean, with hedgehog sleep hair and a bare chest. He'd completed the drawing about a month after the first time they made love and had added to it multiple times over the months that followed.

The bitter part of him said he should have thrown it out as carelessly as Dean had thrown away his heart, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. That drawing was a symbol of their relationship; the happiness and peace that they brought each other.

It didn't matter that it had ended, or why, truthfully. What mattered was how strongly they'd felt about each other, and as far as Castiel was concerned, still did.

The heartsick part of him wondered though…had Dean's feelings changed?

Dean startled awake, knocking his empty soda can over in the process. 554 days sober, another day, another victory.

He sat up with a groan, his bones creaking from sleeping on his lumpy couch all night, but the DVD menu for The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly was a welcome comfort.

That's when he realized; he no longer had a $10,000 debt hanging over him. It had taken two damn years, but he'd finally paid the bastard off. Part of him worried that Crowley wouldn't keep his word, that someone close to him could end up hurt (or worse), but he forced that thought down. Crowley had no reason to do that, he'd gotten his money.

Dean breathed in deeply through his nose, shifted his injured arm, and decided he was in need of a shower.

He ambled up the steps of his apartment and went straight to the bathroom. After relieving himself, brushing his teeth, and splashing cold water on his face, he stripped naked.

As he was about to get into the shower, his shoulder came into view and he was hit with another flashback of Cas.

 _"_ _Faster, please, Dean I need you…" Cas moaned as Dean began to pick up the base, his member fully inside Castiel's entrance…_

Blinking, Dean gripped the side of the counter and realized with some surprise that he was hard, achingly so.

"Fuck," he grunted, and he climbed into the shower, intending to ignore his arousal. He went about his normal showering routine, and after a few minutes, he noticed that he was still hard.

With a sigh, he decided that it had been too long since he'd jerked off anyway, and this was as good a time as any.

He started slow, but because he'd been so turned on, he came embarrassingly fast, whispering Cas's name.

No one had to know the last part.

 _"_ _For me, Jo. Just give KU a chance." Her mother had told her wearily. "Sending in the calvary was a low blow, by the way."_

 _"_ _I didn't send him in, he offered," Jo replied, raising her hands in mock defense._

 _"_ _Either way, give your mother some peace of mind." Bobby cut in, resting his hand on the small of Ellen's back. Ellen smiled lovingly at her husband._

 _Jo tried not to grimace – they were so in love it was sometimes gross to watch._

 _"_ _Fine." Jo acquiesced._

"I don't understand why you're so worried," Jo was saying to Jess as they walked through KU's campus. Jess was in her junior year, studying pre-law, and on her way to a final exam when she ran into Jo, who was there to submit an application, despite her desire to go somewhere else.

"I'm worried because Sam is…well, he's not innocent, but he likes to see the best in people. He's one of my best friends, Jo, I don't want him to get hurt."

"I already threatened Gabriel's family jewels if he tries anything," Jo answered.

Jess snickered, but her smile quickly disappeared.

"I just…I want him to be happy, I do. That's part of the reason I ended our engagement because we weren't truly happy with each other. I'm just not sure Gabriel is the person for that happiness."

"You're making it sound like they're going to get married or something." Jo scoffed. "Sam's too reasonable for that, even if Gabriel tried to drunkenly whisk him off to Vegas or something."

Jess sighed and they stopped walking in front of the building for her final.

"I'll see you at work, Jo," Jess said, and with a wave, they parted ways.

Later that night, Sam was listening to his Beatles playlist when Jess walked in. He had a wide smile on his face, the kind that he used to direct at her. Instantly, Jess knew that he was thinking of Gabriel, and her heart hurt at the thought.

"Sam," Jess said, and Sam turned to her. His smile disappeared when he saw the look on her face. "Are you going to see Gabriel tonight?"

"He invited me for drinks at the Roadhouse….why?" Sam asked cautiously.

Jess shrugged helplessly.

"I'm worried about you," Jess told him. "Gabriel's a player. You don't want to know what the customers have told me about him."

"No, I don't," Sam told her. "Because it doesn't matter. Gabe cares about me."

"Are you sure?" Jess asked him, and Sam's eyes flashed.

"Why do you even care, Jess?" Sam demanded, voice rising angrily.

"Oh, I don't know, because you're one of my best friends and I don't want you to get your heart broken?!" Jess shouted back.

"Again, you mean," Sam said nastily. Jess recoiled like he had slapped her.

Silence fell over them, and Sam's anger faded into guilt.

"J, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have said that."

"You're right, you shouldn't have," Jess told him quietly. "I'll find my own way to work. You go without me."

"Like hell," Sam told her, and Jess stormed toward him. "I'm not going to let a stupid argument get between us. I'm giving you a ride whether you like it or not."

Jess glared at him, eyes narrowed and mouth set in a frown. "Be ready in twenty minutes." He added.

Jess's nostrils flared, but instead of continuing their argument she stomped up the steps to her room and slammed the door.

Sam collapsed back onto the couch and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

 _Gabe_

 _Excited to see you, Samsquatch. ;)_

Despite himself, Sam couldn't help but smile. Then his stomach twisted anxiously – what if Jess was right and Gabe was just playing him?

He decided right then and there that he would find out once and for all.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to anyone, a yellow Volkswagen bug rolled into Lawrence, coming to a stop outside the Roadhouse. The backseat had one duffle bag, while the front had a laptop bag and not much else.

The driver tipped her head back as she swallowed down the last of her gas station coffee, her red hair curly and cut in line with her jaw. She wore a maroon tank top and dark blue plaid shirt on top of it, her jeans ripped in places and brown boots scuffed with use.

Charlie Bradbury released a short sigh, and climbed out of her car, closing the door and heading into Harvelle's Roadhouse.

She approached a pretty blonde waitress and leaned her arms against the bar.

"Are you guys hiring?" she asked, and the girl looked her up and down before calling back to the kitchen.

Charlie smiled and leaned back, surveying the crowd. Her eyes fell onto a head of shoulder-length brown hair and her heart leaped.

If Sam was here that meant Dean wasn't far away. She'd finally found them.

Sam couldn't help but be nervous, he'd never been on a date with another man before and wasn't sure how to act. Gabe brought them two tall glasses of beer and Sam took a long swig of his, nerves singing in his veins.

"Thirsty there, Sam?" Gabe asked.

"Uh, yeah. Should probably have some water." Sam answered, his voice only wavering slightly. He wouldn't meet Gabriel's gaze, instead focusing on the bargoers around him.

"Are you nervous, Sammich?" Gabriel asked him, and Sam's spine straightened. He turned back to the other man, only to see him smiling gently. Sam's heart did a little flip at the sight. "Nothing to be nervous about. I like you just the way you are."

Sam swallowed hard and tried to force himself to calm down and enjoy. He couldn't help but wonder, though, if any of Gabriel's previous conquests were here tonight.

After their date was over, a part of Sam was hoping – expecting – for Gabriel to kiss him. He had stared at Sam's lips enough for Sam to know he wanted it, but his question was whether he would take it.

"This was fun, Sam," Gabriel told him. "We should do it again."

"Definitely." Gabriel brightened at Sam's affirmation, and Sam's heart swelled. In that moment, Sam decided that Jess's concerns weren't important. She was just looking out for him, which he appreciated, but felt wasn't necessary.

With that in mind, Sam started to lean in to kiss Gabriel, but the shorter man held up a hand.

"Another time, for sure. But I don't kiss and tell." Gabe said, and with a final smirk, left Sam disappointed in front of his apartment door.

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM WINCHESTER! Also, raise your wands for those lost in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Anyway, sorry that this chap took longer than the rest, and that it's another filler, but I swear to you things get real in the next few chapters because we're getting close to the climax.

Please comment/review/leave kudos!

-Charmy


	9. A Profound Bond

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Nine: A Profound Bond

"So what makes you think you've got what it takes to work in a bar?" The pretty blonde asked Charlie. The latter shrugged.

"Can't be that hard, can it?" Charlie answered with a question. "Be nice, serve alcohol and food, make the men drool, and earn some cash along the way."

The blonde leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest, looking at Charlie appraisingly.

"I can't help but feel like I've met you somewhere before. I'm Jo, by the way."

"Can't say I've had the pleasure," Charlie said around the baseball-sized lump in her throat. "Charlie." She offered as an introduction.

Jo opened her mouth to say something in response, but Ellen interrupted. She was holding Charlie's application.

"Miss Bradbury, can I talk to you in private?" Ellen asked her, and Charlie's heart joined the lump in her throat.

"As long as you call me Charlie." She quipped nervously. Ellen didn't smile.

Back in Ellen's office, the bar owner turned her computer to face Charlie, and the redhead swallowed hard.

Her police record.

"Your real name is Celeste Middleton," Ellen stated. "And you're wanted in Wichita for computer hacking and other associated crimes."

Charlie said nothing, her face betraying her guilt. "Legally, I'm obligated to turn you over to the police." Charlie paled, thinking of her mother in the Wichita hospital. "But I'm not going to do that."

"W-What?" Charlie stammered, hope blooming across her face.

"Your name is Charlie Bradbury as far as I'm concerned," Ellen said with a shrug. "But no more lies." She added sternly.

A strong urge to hug this woman overcame Charlie, but she squashed it down; Ellen didn't seem like the hugging type.

"So do I have the job?" she hesitantly asked.

"Can you start tonight?"

Singer Auto smelled like gasoline, leather, and sweat. Charlie pulled up and shoved down her nervousness. It was just Dean.

Just her best friend.

Just the man she considered her brother.

Just the man she had left behind with no explanation.

He was leaned over a car's engine when she tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm workin' as fast as I can-" he started to say, before turning around and seeing her. "Cel?"

Tears forced their way into Charlie's eyes, and she blinked them back.

"It's Charlie now, Dean-o." Charlie punched his bicep and grimaced slightly at the hard muscle that rebounded her fist.

Dean grinned widely and pulled her into a tight hug. Charlie pressed her nose into his shoulder and let herself breathe him in, breathe in the brotherly affection and safety that he represented. The childhood that she had treasured in her years on the run – the childhood that had ended with her father's life when she was twelve years old.

Dean must have seen something or someone over Charlie's head because his entire body stiffened. Charlie felt his heart rate pick up and looked up at him in confusion and concern.

"Cas, wait!" Dean gently pushed Charlie aside. Dean's hand was outstretched, and he raised it slowly, the fingers shaking as the other man walked further and further away. The risen hand dropped suddenly and Dean swore in frustration.

Dean turned and faced an intrigued Charlie.

"I don't want to talk about it," Dean said gruffly.

"Skeletons in the closet. I get that." Charlie said kindly, and Dean was grateful for her understanding.

Castiel had never felt a pain so acute and wrenching as the ache that shot through him when he saw the redhead in Dean's arms.

"Cas, wait!"

He couldn't, couldn't be there another second.

He was so incredibly stupid.

How could he even hope that Dean was available? Four years was too long for Dean to stay celibate, even if Cas had.

 _He told you he was gay – why would he lie?_

 _We were stupid college kids, just because I knew my sexuality doesn't mean he was certain of his._

He came home to an empty apartment and sank down on the couch, breathing heavily.

He had just gone to Singer Auto to invite Dean to his graduation – how could he be so foolish?

He leaned back and turned on the TV – and groaned. Disney's Hercules was playing on Gabriel's favorite channel, and it was the scene where Meg confessed her feelings for Herc as she lay dying.

"People always do crazy things-" she grunted in pain. "When they're in love."

He flicked the television off as Hercules stammered in response to her proclamation.

He stood up and decided that his last graduation ticket would go unused. Perhaps he could sell it to one of his classmates.

 _"_ _Cas, wait!"_

Dean's voice had sounded so…distraught. So desperate.

Cas sighed.

 _"_ _Never fall in love, Castiel."_ Michael had said once.

If only he had listened.

Later, Charlie had her first shift at the Roadhouse and used it as a chance to catch up with Sam.

"So Stanford, huh? Impressive!" Charlie congratulated, and Sam chuckled bashfully.

"Don't be modest Samalam!" Gabriel crowed, and Sam's face turned red. "A full ride to one of the Ivy's is something to be proud of!"

"But I had to give it up when my dad died." Sam continued the story he had been telling Charlie. "Mom and Dean needed me."

Charlie's heart broke at the disappointment in Sam's voice – that was the Winchester way, though, sacrifice everything for the family.

Moonlight suddenly pooled nearby, the door to the Roadhouse opening with a bang.

A gorgeous redhead came waltzing in, accompanied by the man that had run away from Dean earlier in the day.

Charlie was entranced by her. A petite form, curved in all the right places, and a perfect butt to boot.

"That's Anna, Gabe and Cas's big sister," Sam informed Charlie, who nodded distantly.

Meanwhile, Dean nursed his Coke and Red Bull, throwing his own private pity party; one that Jo strongly discouraged.

"Just fucking talk to him already. My god." Jo said in annoyance, throwing up her hands.

In that moment, Dean wasn't sure whether it was Jo's frustration or his own, but determination filled him the same way alcohol used too. He stood up without a word and approached Cas and Anna, who'd taken a seat a few tables away.

"Cas."

The aforementioned man's shoulders crumpled inward, but Dean pressed on. "Can I talk to you? Alone?" Dean asked though it sounded more like a demand.

"$20 says they bang in the alley," Gabe said in Sam's ear, and Sam shivered before comprehending the words.

"Gross!" Sam complained. He could hear Gabe's smirk and resisted the urge to throw him a bitchface. "$30 says he doesn't go home tonight though."

Gabe's smirk became a grin.

"You're on."

The alley is dark and humidity permeated the air, but nothing could pierce the bubble of tension around the two men as Dean boxed Castiel against the wall.

Barely a sliver of light passed between their faces, their lips parted as long-repressed desire dilated their pupils. Dean knows he could kiss Cas right now, and as much as he ached to do just that, he had a more pressing matter to deal with.

Cas, for his part, can hardly catch his breath and his heart is staging a mutiny in his chest, his entire body seizing when he looks into those gold-flecked green eyes.

The eyes that have haunted his dreams and fantasies for years.

The eyes that belong to the man he had never stopped loving, no matter how much he'd tried.

"What do you want from me, Dean?" Cas asked, looking down and clenching his fingers into fists. Everything in his posture was submissive, while Dean was the dominant figure. This was how it had always been, Cas the inexperienced prude and Dean the over-experienced player.

"Now that's a loaded question if I ever heard one." Dean chuckled, the tenor of his voice sending fire straight to Cas's loins. "Are you jealous of Charlie?"

Cas shook his head, still not meeting Dean's eyes as he tried to return to the safety of the bar.

Dean grabbed his arm and boxed him in again before he could. "One, she's like my sister. Two, she's gay. Three, we broke up four years ago so why does it matter to you, even if I was remotely interested in her or anyone else?"

"You don't have to tell me when we broke up Dean," Cas said. "It's been 1,657 days."

Dean licked his lips as shock crossed his expression. Cas's eyes tracked the movement against his will.

"You counted?"

Cas felt all the fire of arousal morph into flames of mortification as his face burned bright red. He bowed his head down, certain that he was glowing in his humiliation.

Dean curled a finger and bumped Cas's chin up so he had no choice but to look at him. "That's adorable." His voice has returned to that low and dangerous tone, the one that made Cas's blood sing.

Dean kisses him hard, Cas's chapped lips and scratchy scruff meeting Dean's smooth mouth and face.

"Dean-" Cas tried to protest as Dean kissed along his jaw and neck, nipping and licking and – _God_ he had missed this. Missed _him_.

Against his better judgment, Cas melted into him, moaning when Dean's sinful mouth met the juncture of his ear and jawline.

"Taste so good baby," Dean groaned, and Cas whimpered. "Never stopped wanting you." He admitted as he kissed Cas's forehead, nose, and then his gaze lingered on the brunette's pink and swollen lips.

Cas swallowed hard, arousal tight in his jeans and eyes wild as he took Dean in.

He knew it made him a coward, but he scampered away, back to the bar.

Dean let him, leaning against the wall he had just had Cas pinned too. It was still warm, and Dean smiled.

 _Maybe I have a chance with him after all._

Anna and Gabriel shot up in concern when Cas came back inside, unbalanced and thoroughly debauched.

"I'm fine," Cas gasped to them both. "I'm going home."

"Cas-" Anna started, her tone worried, but Cas didn't answer as he stumbled out the door like a drunk.

Charlie watched the two Novaks slowly settle back down, Gabe's face pinched and serious and Anna's furrowed and confused.

Dean eventually came back inside the bar, but neither Novak sibling approached him. Dean, however, grabbed his brother's shoulder and shoved him toward the alcove that led to the bathroom, presumably to talk in private, and Charlie crept toward them.

"-you kissed Cas?!" Sam cried.

"More like fucking assaulted him." Dean's self-loathing shot an arrow through Charlie's stomach. "God, no wonder he left."

"From what Gabe has told me, Dean," Sam paused, clearly indecisive. "Cas still has feelings for you. Strong ones. Maybe the depth of those feelings scared him?"

"Or he might have just been scared of me," Dean said darkly. "God I'm such a fucking waste."

"Dean-"

"Forget it, Sammy. I'm going to a meeting."

Dean stomped away from Sam, and Charlie hurried to look busy. Everyone in the bar heard Baby 2 roar to life – Dean apparently didn't care about his still broken arm – and disappear down the road.

A/N: So…uhm. Yeah. First time writing smutty stuff with these two, hope I did them justice. I swear it'll be less angsty soon. I mean we only have three chapters left so I better get resolving haha.

Anyway, please review/comment/leave kudos!

-Charmy


	10. Literal Flying Sparks

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Chapter Ten: Literal Flying Sparks

"Hey, Anna." Charlie bit her lip nervously. "Um, I know you're worried about your brother, but um…"

Anna smiled at Charlie, and the latter's stomach fluttered.

"I'm always worried about my brothers," Anna told her. "Comes with the territory. Cas will be fine though." Brazenly, Anna covered Charlie's hand with hers, and Charlie's breath caught. "Were you trying to ask me something?"

"Um, sort of." Charlie stumbled over her words, the deep brown of Anna's eyes unsettling. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this attracted to someone, and it was killing her confidence. "Would you wanna…I dunno, go out some time? It doesn't have to be a date, I totally get if you don't swing that way, but-mmph!"

Charlie was cut off by the softest, most pillowy lips in the universe pressing against hers. She tasted like caramel and strawberries, and Charlie suddenly craved those two snacks more than anything else.

"Does that answer your question?" Anna smiled, and Charlie's already pink face reddened.

"Uh, yeah." Charlie stammered, and Anna's smile became a grin.

The next morning, Charlie woke up to the sound of furious tapping on her car window. Blearily, she sat up and met the angry face of Jo Harvelle.

Charlie's stomach dropped out of her like a weight.

After unlocking the door and climbing out, Jo cornered her against the side.

"I remember you now," Jo told her, not even bothering with a good morning or any other pleasantry. "You kissed me when we were twelve. It was a girls' only sleepover at my house."

Charlie refused to meet Jo's eyes, which served as confirmation. "Why did you leave?"

Her head shot up and met Jo's fierce gaze.

"You weren't exactly receptive to me, so I figured I'd made a big mistake. I called my mom and dad and um…" Her voice locked in her throat and she stared over Jo's shoulder. "They got in a car accident coming to get me. My dad died and my mom…she's on life support at a hospital in Wichita."

Charlie's story tumbled out, and Jo's anger faded as she began to understand.

"My mom didn't recognize you because you dyed your hair and changed your name," Jo said after a few minutes.

Charlie swallowed hard, not daring to mention that Ellen knew her real name and still hadn't recognized her. "So…you had a crush on me?" Jo finally asked, and Charlie's face burned.

"Uh, yeah. I was just figuring out that I'm gay – seems I have a thing for brown eyes."

Jo chuckled.

"Well, this'll certainly make things more interesting around here."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked, fear lacing through her veins.

"I saw Anna kiss you. I'm not jealous or anything, I am bi but I tend to prefer men. Are you going to tell her you and I have history?"

Charlie let out a relieved laugh.

"I hardly think a prepubescent kiss counts as history," Charlie told her, and Jo smiled.

"Were you sleeping in your car?" Jo asked, and Charlie noticed that any awkwardness had faded away.

"Unfortunately," Charlie responded. "Paying my mom's medical bills doesn't exactly allow me to afford rent."

"Huh," Jo said thoughtfully. "Wanna be roomies?"

Charlie blinked a few times, unsure of how to respond. "I've been looking for a roommate for a while, and since Jess lives with Sam, and I don't want to live with a complete stranger…" she let the sentence hang, waiting for Charlie's answer.

"I mean um, that sounds great!" Charlie said, and she was surprised at how earnest she sounded. "Where do you live?"

"Right around the corner from Singer Auto," Jo said. "It's as far as my mom would let me go." She added as an explanation. "I'm possibly leaving for college in a few months too, so you'd have the apartment to yourself while I'm away."

"I don't throw crazy parties if that's what you're worried about," Charlie said, and Jo laughed outright.

"Oh no, that's not what I meant at all. I meant if you want eventual…you know…private time with Anna."

Oh.

 _Oh._

Charlie's face flooded with color.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." she said around her mortification.

Jo slung an arm around Charlie's shoulder.

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

Dean methodically cleaned each of his tools, making sure there was no grime or dirt to be had. The Impala was coming along nicely, just a few more things to do and she would be ready.

A shadow fell over his cleaning, and Dean looked up. Charlie was grinning at him, looking eerily like a cat who'd just eaten a canary.

"I don't like that look on your face," Dean told her warily. "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing. I just managed to get an apartment and a date with my dream girl." Charlie said casually. Dean brightened.

"That's great, kiddo!" Dean said, and he meant it. Jealousy at her happiness aside, he was excited to have her back.

"Butttt. I was hoping maybe we could make it a double date. Ya know, cancel out the awkwardness and stuff."

"Okay?" Dean said, not fully getting what she was implying.

"Come on Dean, you're smarter than that. I want to double date with you and Anna's brother Cas!"

Dean stood up abruptly and slammed his tool box closed with a little extra force. "Don't be such a drama queen." Charlie approached him, and the coiled muscles of his back and shoulders told her plenty. "The tension between you two was intense. I want info."

"There's not much to tell." Dean turned back to her and shrugged, playing nonchalant. It might have worked if he was talking to someone other than Charlie, Sam, or Mary. "We dated and it didn't work out. End of story."

"How stupid do you think I am, Dean Winchester?" Charlie asked. "If you don't tell me, I will hack into your porn collection and post it on the internet where your mother could find it."

Dean paled. "Pleaseeeeeeee?!"

"Why don't you double date with Sammy and Gabriel?" Dean ventured. "Sam's disgustingly happy with him and that still fills the little brother requirement."

"Because, bonehead, as your best friend, it's my job to make sure that you're happy, and I know that Cas would do that for you. I may not have been around when you were together, but I can tell by the way you look at him that you're still in love with him."

Dean sat back down and went back to cleaning his tools, not denying it.

Something dropped behind Charlie, and the two friends turned to see Cas, who's phone had hit the dirt road with a thump. His face was as white as flour and he looked like he was going to be sick.

"Cas, wait a second!" Dean shot up out of his seat, but Cas was already in his car driving away.

"Well, what are you waiting for, tough guy?" Charlie asked him as the car's engine faded. "Go after him!"

Dean looked indecisive for a moment, but then shouted, "Bobby!"

After hearing a gruff noise from the back office, Dean said, "I'll be back in a while, I got something I've gotta take care of!"

Dean didn't wait for approval for hopping onto Baby 2 and zooming away.

The Novak apartment was modest, and as Dean leaned Baby 2 against the wall, he told himself that this was the right thing to do, that despite his worries, Cas still cared. Still wanted him. Why else would he run if not from his own heart?

Dean knocked on the door before he could talk himself out of it.

A few moments passed, and Dean was about to knock again when the door opened to reveal a shirtless Gabriel. Faded gray sweatpants hung low on his hips and his messy hair indicated he'd just woken up.

"If it isn't my second favorite Winchester," Gabriel drawled with a yawn. "What can I do ya for?"

"I need to talk to Cas," Dean said. "Please."

Gabriel surveyed him.

"If you hurt him, I swear to you, I'll make your life a living hell." Gabriel threatened.

"I made that mistake once, Gabriel. I won't make it again." Dean promised.

Seemingly pacified, Gabriel let Dean into the duplex.

"Second door past the stairs," Gabriel answered Dean's unasked question. Dean toed off his shoes and walked barefoot to Cas's bedroom, heart hammering the whole way.

He gently knocked on the door.

"Go away Gabriel," Cas's voice said from inside, and Dean could hear the choked back tears.

Dean tried the door and thanked every deity he could think of when it was unlocked.

"I'm not Gabriel."

A/N: I know, I know. I'm evil and I'd better post chapter 11 soon. I promise I will!

If anyone's curious, this story was initially inspired by two things: the song "Think of You" by Chris Young (ft. Cassadee Pope) and Season 5, episode 5, "Fallen Idols".

The story playlist is as follows: Think of You by Chris Young (ft. Cassadee Pope), Time Bomb by All Time Low, Wish You Were Here by Avril Lavigne, Somebody Loves You by Betty Who, Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls (ft. Taylor Swift), Can't Help Falling In Love (With You) by Elvis Presley, Heart of Stone by Britt Nicole, Need You Now by Lady Antebellum, Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding, Not Over You by Gavin DeGraw, White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons, Photograph by Ed Sheeran, Entertain the Pain by My Favorite Highway, Feels Like Tonight by Daughtry, and Listen To Your Heart by DHT (the piano version).

Anyway, please comment/review/leave kudos!

-Charmy


	11. Can't Fight This Feeling

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna

* * *

Cas won't look at him, and on some level, Dean thought he deserved that. He approached Cas slowly, sitting down on the bed a respective distance away.

"We need to talk," Dean said. "And…shit, Cas, I hate this kind of stuff."

"Was Charlie right?" asked Cas, his voice small and quiet.

Dean sighed, deflating slightly.

"If she was?" Dean asked in response, and Cas still doesn't meet his gaze, but he can see how Cas's posture seems to stiffen and relax at the same time, and the tension in the room must've gotten to Dean's brain because he decided to do something brave.

He moved just a little bit closer and cupped the side of Cas's face, thumb gently caressing his cheekbone. "I think you love me too. I don't think you ever stopped." Cas leaned into the touch, and Dean's heart leaped at the longing in those haunting blue eyes that have finally met his own. Even more encouraging, the dark-haired man whimpered as Dean continued to stroke his cheek.

Cas released a rattling breath and pushed Dean's hand away, standing up and walking toward his bedroom door. Dean followed.

"It doesn't change anything," Cas said to Dean, even as the light haired man came closer to him.

"Who are you trying to kid, Cas? It changes everything." Dean leaned close to Cas's ear, and growled, "I haven't forgotten any of your sensitive spots, angel." Dean took Cas's earlobe between his teeth and pulled gently, teasing and taunting the man under him.

Cas sucked both of his lips into his mouth, his arousal is like a fire in his veins, quick and unforgiving.

Dean brushed his nose down from Cas's sideburn to his Adam's apple, which was bobbing quickly in response to his frantic heartbeat.

"Wait," Cas said, his voice a mere whisper, echoing the desire tightening in his pants. Dean leaned back and looked into his eyes. "Was it me?"

"Was what you, angel?" Dean asked him, stroking his knuckle down the side of Cas's face again.

"Was…was the breakup my fault? Did I do something wrong to make you break up with me?"

Dean froze.

"Is that what you think?" he asked after an eternity of silence. "God, no. Cas, being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Then why?" Cas asked, finally voicing the question he'd been asking himself for so long.

Dean inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Please, Dean. I deserve – no, I _need_ to know the truth."

"It was like this." Dean moved back from Cas, leaning against the opposite wall and picking at his cast. "My dad…he was an alcoholic. He got fired when he showed up to Bobby's garage drunk too many times, and that just made things worse. He…" Dean swallowed, licking his lips. "He beat me after he kicked you out. Said he wouldn't have a faggot for a son."

Cas flinched at the word, but Dean didn't seem to notice. "My mom made him leave, told him she was going to divorce him if he didn't. See, the thing was, my dad was a different person when he got whiskey in him. He was never violent until then. Never. Sure, he'd shout and bellow when he and Sammy duked it out, but he never hit us, or Mom. Until the night I – we - came out to him." Dean leaned his head back, and Cas could see tears gleaming in his iridescent green eyes. "God, he was so pissed. I had the bruises for weeks afterward." He shook his head now as if to clear it. "I didn't know what he would do. I was afraid that he'd hurt you or something. I had to make sure that didn't happen."

Cas let this sink in.

"You broke up with me to…protect me?"

Dean snorted.

"I guess you could say that."

"Well, that was stupid of you."

Dean locked eyes with Cas and saw pure fury on his face.

"You didn't even give me a choice in the matter. You just told me we were done and then **_you left me_**. You made me think – you made me – goddammit, Dean!"

Cas charged at him, rage fueling his feet and fists as he pinned Dean against the wall, pounding against his chest. Cas choked back sobs, and Dean let him be angry, just absorbed the blows. The anger seemed to fade away as quickly as it had begun.

Once Cas was done, Dean awkwardly maneuvered them so they were on the floor of Cas's bedroom, sitting on their feet while Dean held Cas. "I did love you. I loved you so much, and it terrified me." Cas whispered. "And you're right. I never stopped. I still love you now."

Dean ran his hand through Cas's tousled locks, holding the smaller man against him.

"I love you too, Cas. I love you. I'm going to keep saying it. I love you, and I'm so sorry."

"Your father was a monster," Cas said harshly.

"A bigoted bastard." Dean agreed.

They sat like that for a few minutes, just holding each other and listening to their heartbeats. "So, what now?" Dean asked.

"I want you back. I never stopped wanting you." Cas said quietly, so much so that Dean had to struggle to hear him. His heart leaped, and he pulled Cas's head so the brunette man's face was firmly between his palms.

"I want that too, Cas. More than I've ever wanted anything."

Dean leaned in and pressed a messy kiss to Cas's mouth, slipping his tongue between those sinfully sweet lips. He managed to push Cas flat on the floor, still kissing passionately.

Cas's fingers went to the base of Dean's neck and scratched against his hairline, making Dean almost choke on his tongue. He pulled away and found Cas smirking at him.

"You're not the only one who remembers weak spots," Cas told him.

 _Samsquatch_

 _Do you think I could bother you for the afternoon? Our brothers are finally working through their UST, and as much as I love voyeur porn, I'm not interested in it when Cassie is involved._

Gabriel's thumb hovered over the send button, hoping that Sam would answer quickly. If not, he supposed he could just go bother Anna, but she was on a date with Charlie, and far be it from him to be a third wheel.

Before he could overthink it, he pressed send.

Gabe scrolled through his social media accounts, trying not to tap his foot or bite on his fingernails. He was acting ridiculously and he knew it, but for some reason, he couldn't stop.

His phone buzzed, and the notification of a new text message popped up.

 _Samsquatch_

 _Sure, Gabe. I have a few hours before my night class's final, so if you wanna get coffee or something, I'm at KU's library._

Gabe took the offer and ran with it, glad not to witness the reunion of all reunions going on upstairs.

"Sam!" The younger Winchester glanced up and saw Jess waving to him. He took a sip of his coffee and waved her over.

"Hey, how was your econ final?" he asked her, and she grimaced. "That bad, huh?"

"I'm hoping for a curve. A big one." Jess replied. "What are you up too?"

"Last minute studying and waiting for Gabe," Sam told her, and Jess's expression dimmed. Sam groaned. "Don't start."

"Start what? I wasn't going to start anything!" Jess proclaimed though Sam knew she was lying. Sam raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm just worried about you."

"I know you are, J," Sam said with a sigh. "And I appreciate it, I do. I love that you care so much."

"But?" Jess prompted.

"But I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself," Sam said. "And Gabe…" Sam smiled at the thought of his boyfriend(?). "Gabe is a good guy. What we're doing feels right."

"For your sake, I hope so," Jess told him. Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Well, I'm going to head home and eat something before work. What time is your final?"

"5:30, I should be back in time to give you a ride," Sam answered. Jess nodded, kissed his cheek, and left the library.

Gabriel showed up a few minutes later and saw the look on Sam's face.

"What's with the face?" Gabe asked.

"What face?" Sam said, steadfastly ignoring the blush that was rushing up his neck. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"We might not have been dating very long, but I can tell when you're deep in thought."

 _Dating?_ Sam thought, his heart throbbing. "Dating? Is that what we're doing?" he voiced, and Gabriel picked up one of Sam's notebooks and covered their faces as he kissed him. Sam's eyes were wide open, so he could count the number of eyelashes on Gabriel's closed eyelids. There was also a tiny scar right along his brow bone, and Sam made a mental note to ask about that later.

This was their first kiss.

"Uh, Sam, this is usually a two player game," Sam blinked and found that Gabriel had moved back and lowered the notebook, looking slightly embarrassed. Chastised but not at all ashamed, Sam grabbed the collar of Gabriel's jacket and pulled him in for a heated kiss.

Hoots sounded throughout the library, quickly followed by shushing sounds.

Sam pulled back; only to realize that in his eagerness he had accidentally picked Gabriel a few inches off the ground.

"Sorry," he said and watched as Gabe's sandals met the linoleum floor once more.

"You've got nothing to apologize for," Gabe said, face flushed and eyes dark.

 _How many people have caused that reaction in him?_ Sam wondered. Frustrated with himself now, hating that Jess's stupid fears were getting to him, he opened his mouth to speak his mind.

"So what's on your mind, kiddo?" Gabe asked before he could say anything. "Other than kissing me, which I'm totally down for more of that, by the way."

Sam chuckled and then asked the question that had been plaguing him for weeks now.

"Gabe, uh, do you actually _like_ me? Like, beyond wanting to get in my pants?"

Gabriel watched him for a few seconds, tilting his head the way Sam had seen Cas do when he didn't understand something. The similarity was uncanny in a way that made Sam smile.

"I get it. Jess talked to you, didn't she?" Gabe said, and it wasn't really a question. Sam wouldn't meet Gabriel's eyes, and that was answer enough. "Sam, I'll be the first to tell you, I've been with a lot of different people. Some women, some men, some trans, hell, there was even a gender-fluid person in there somewhere." Gabe waved his hand dismissively. "But not one of them ever affected me the way you do. I won't be overly cheesy and say it was love at first sight, but it was definitely lust and curiosity."

A happy feeling unfurled in Sam's stomach. "You don't want to know how many times I asked Jo and Anna for help on how to seduce you."

"You did?" Sam asked, and Gabe nodded. The happy feeling started climbing up toward his heart, and Sam was sure that this was what falling in love felt like. He couldn't remember when he'd felt like this with Jess, but it certainly hadn't been this real.

Gabe sat down across from Sam.

"Since I'm bearing my heart and soul here, I might as well be completely honest." Gabe began, and Sam had a feeling that this was going to be a long story.

"You know that I've spent the majority of my life traveling across the country with my brother and sister. But I'm sure that nerdy brain of yours has been wondering why for quite a while." Gabe smiled fondly at Sam's scowl. "When I was twelve, my three eldest brothers, Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael, got into a ridiculously huge fight. Mike and Luke are twins, but they couldn't more opposite if they tried. Raph was always the black sheep of the family, even more than me. He was sent to juvie when he was 13 for stealing. When he got out, he came home and confronted Mike and Luke…"

 _"_ _Where. Is. Father." Raphael spat, eyes narrowed in rage._

 _"_ _We don't know," Lucifer said. "If you hadn't gotten caught stealing, maybe you'd know that." Raphael took a step toward Lucifer, but Michael stepped between them._

 _"_ _Luke is right, Raphie," Michael said, and Raphael's lip curled. "Dad disappeared when Mom stopped being able to conceive." Though his voice was steady, the tension in his shoulders showed his true feelings. "We haven't seen him since Castiel was in elementary school."_

 _"_ _I was here then," Raphael said._

 _"_ _But you were barely a teenager, you were too wrapped up in your own angst to see what was going on."_

"That's when Luke punched Raph," Gabriel said. "Anna and I were watching from the stairs, keeping Cassie away. He still had ears though." Gabe ran a hand over his face, sighing before continuing. "Michael tried to stop them, but Luke and Raph were determined to keep fighting. Michael's twin had a known anger problem, but we never expected what he did the next morning."

"What did he do?" Sam asked though part of him didn't want to know. Gabe smiled bitterly.

"He set our house on fire, nearly killed us all. Anna smelled smoke first, then woke me, and we grabbed Cas just as the fire was climbing from the basement. Anna, Cas, and I have been running from our brothers ever since. Anna almost had a psychotic breakdown because of it."

"I guess I'll be honest too," Sam said. "You know about my brother and my mom. Our dad died two years ago from liver failure, but before that, his bigotry made Dean break up with Cas."

Gabriel's eyes widened – so Dean hadn't broken his brother's heart selfishly. He'd done so _selflessly._ Interesting.

"Dean thinks I don't know about it, but I saw the way Dean carried himself for weeks after. I'm a black belt in karate, I know what a stomach and chest bruise look like." Sam scoffed. "When dad died, my mom almost had to sell the house in order to pay for his funeral expenses. Dean took out a loan from Crowley, and just recently paid it back."

"How recently?" Gabriel asked.

"Like three or four days ago, why?"

"That explains it," Gabe said. "Remember when we were at the Roadhouse and Dean wasn't? Cas wanted to invite him to his graduation ceremony."

"So they're finally talking things through?" Gabe nodded, and Sam whistled. "For both of their sakes, I hope they work it out."

Dean smelled like gasoline, leather, and spicy cologne.

Cas smelled like graphite, clean laundry, and Irish Spring soap.

Dean's hands slid under Cas's shirt, the hot skin smooth under his fingers.

"Is this okay?" Dean asked as he readied to pull Cas's shirt off.

"Please, Dean." Cas groaned. "Need you."

Dean smiled and pulled Cas's shirt off, throwing it across the room. He started peppering kisses down his chest, stopping to suck each nipple to full hardness. Cas arched his back and his jeans slid past his delightfully sharp hipbones.

Cas's hands scratched along Dean's back, his shirt long gone. Cas's hands clambered for Dean's jeans, and Dean took hold of his wrists.

"Not yet angel. I wanna enjoy this." Dean said throatily, his Kansas twang sending a new spike of arousal through Cas.

"You're a tease," Cas accused, and Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

"This coming from the man who purposely walked around his dorm room shirtless for months before we starting dating?" Dean replied playfully.

"Not my fault you always came to see me when I'd just gotten a shower." Cas returned, not at all guilty.

Dean dragged his hand down to flatten his palm against Cas's aching cock.

"So hard for me," Dean rumbled. "I missed you so much."

"I was never far. I lived in Topeka; commuted to KU. Avoided Sam and Jess." Cas was speaking in fragments, his face flushed and pupils blown wide. "Please, Dean. Please."

"You lived in Topeka all this time?" Dean asked, nipping on Cas's hipbones as he finally undid the other man's jeans.

"I was already established at KU, I couldn't – ah, fuck Dean!" He was cut off as Dean licked his cock from base to tip, biting gently on the head, as if in reprimand. Somehow along the way Dean had taken off Cas's jeans and boxers, leaving him in only his socks.

Dean hollowed his cheeks around Cas's dick, sucking and licking the oversensitive skin. As he did so, he grabbed Cas's butt cheeks and inserted a finger knuckle deep into that hole.

"F-Fuck." Cas stammered. "Been so long."

"Were you with anyone besides me?"

Cas shook his head. "I tried, but I could only imagine you when they got close."

Dean inserted his finger all the way in, and Cas gasped like a dying man as the tip brushed against his prostate.

"Ready for the second finger baby?" Dean asked, and not for the first time, Cas envied Dean's composure. While Cas fell apart under him, Dean always kept his sanity.

"Y-Yes," Cas said, and Dean slid his middle finger inside to join his pointer, and Cas felt the muscle expanding in a wonderfully painful way.

"My cock missed your hole, angel," Dean said filthily. "Thought of you each time I jerked off."

"God, Dean, I'm gonna cum…" Cas said. "…if you keep talking like that."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Dean grinned, and he slid his third finger inside Cas's entrance, and the cool metal of his ring made Cas cry out.

"Please, I'm ready. Ready for your big cock." Cas begged. "Fucking fuck I missed you."

Dean came up suddenly and kissed Cas, and then grinned down at him.

"I love you, angel."

Something about that pet name, or just the way Dean's eyes were bright, or something else altogether, made Cas gasp brokenly as his cock exploded up his stomach and chest, covering him in his orgasm. Dean smirked victoriously as he pulled his fingers out of Cas's entrance, and pushed his legs up so he could line his rock hard dick up with it. "Ready?"

Cas nodded, still woozy from his orgasm, and Dean pressed himself inside.

"Shit fuck!" Cas cursed as Dean's cock filled him.

"Such a dirty mouth," Dean murmured, sheathing himself fully. "I should start a swear jar."

"Shut up and fuck me, Dean," Cas said breathlessly, and Dean happily obliged.

"So tight and warm baby fuck," Dean groaned. Cas threw his head back as Dean's cock hit his prostate again, again, and again.

"Gonna cum," Dean warned. Cas just moaned, and the sound of that guttural noise, the knowledge that Cas was so undone by him…Dean's orgasm was the strongest he'd ever had.

Meanwhile, the Spencer Museum of Art was quiet and the perfect place for a first date.

Charlie and Anna were strolling casually through the gallery, chatting and learning about each other.

"One of my favorite things to do is LARPing."

At Anna's (adorably) confused look, Charlie explained. "Live-action role-play. It's _a lot_ of fun."

"Really?" Anna said, and then her eye caught on something and she jogged ahead to a small, enclosed exhibit. Charlie's eyebrows furrowed. "This is what I wanted to show you." Anna fished a small golden key from her pocket and unlocked the door.

On the far wall was a large painting, of a dark summer night, a black car, and two men sitting on the hood of it.

Wait.

Upon further inspection, Charlie knew those two men; Dean and Sam and the car was the Impala.

"It's called Impala Utopia," Anna said. "I've been working on it for the last few weeks, and when it was finally done, I showed it to my advisor, and she nominated me for the artist in residence."

"It's absolutely amazing!" Charlie cried, pulling Anna into a hug. "Dean and Sam are gonna flip."

Anna smiled bashfully, her face burning as red as her hair.

Charlie looked back at the painting, and that was when she noticed the other two men leaning on the side of the Impala – Anna's brothers, Gabriel and Castiel. "You're an incredible artist," Charlie complimented.

Anna's blush deepened.

"Thank you," Anna said. She moved closer to Charlie, placing her hands gently on the other woman's hips. "You know, we have this room all to ourselves...we should make good use of it."

Anna leaned in and Charlie met her halfway, wrapping her arms around the slightly taller redhead's neck.

Dean and Cas laid in bed, Dean resting his head on his palm and elbow on the pillow, just watching Cas and tracing small patterns on the other man's shoulder.

Cas was flat on his back, still covered in his own ejaculation, and the room positively reeked of sex, but Cas couldn't be bothered to care.

Cas looked over toward Dean and couldn't hide his smile at the pure joy in Dean's eyes.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Nothing. You just look…you look so happy."

"Why do I get the feeling that you were going to say something else?"

Cas instantly thought of the sketchbook under his bed, of the pages filled with drawings of Dean, and felt color bloom into his face before he could stop it.

Dean smirked and moved to straddle his lover(?). He ran loving hands along Cas's stomach and chest, his thumbs flicking at Cas's nipples teasingly.

"Tell me," Dean said.

"Tell you what?" Cas asked, not meeting Dean's eyes again.

"Tell me what you were gonna say," Dean answered.

Cas bit his lip, clearly indecisive, but seemingly came to a conclusion in a few seconds.

"Let me up," Dean moved off of Cas and allowed him to get off of the bed and kneel down under his bed.

His naked butt made Dean both giggly and aroused, so he slapped it.

Cas let out an unmanly squeak as he came up, sketchbook in hand. He glowered at Dean, but the green-eyed man knew he wasn't truly mad.

"For as long as I can remember, I've loved to draw." Cas began. "I taught myself, and with a lot of practice, I think I've become passable."

He handed Dean the sketchbook. "You're the only person I've ever shown this too." He admitted.

Dean's eyebrows flew up, but he said nothing as he opened the book and began to look through.

Gabriel and Sam had decided to take a walk through campus rather than staying in the "stuffy old library" as Gabe had dubbed it.

Sam knew he would have to leave soon for his final, but he wanted to spend as much time as he could with Gabriel before he did.

"I wonder if it's safe for me to go back to my apartment," Gabe said thoughtfully. "It's been hours. I doubt even Dean can last that long."

Sam made a face, and Gabe guffawed.

"That was your most adorable bitchface ever," Gabe said, reaching up and running his thumb over Sam's lips. Sam pressed a kiss against the appendage, and Gabriel's eyes darkened. "You don't play fair, Winchester."

"All's fair in love and war, Novak." Sam returned, and affection bloomed in Gabe's chest at the cliché line.

"Is that your way of saying you love me?" Gabe asked, and Sam shrugged.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Sam said casually. "As you said earlier, we haven't been dating that long."

"Love doesn't know or care about time, Sam," Gabe said. "All I know is, I really like you. And I really want you to fuck me into next week."

Sam coughed, heat and embarrassment rushing through him at Gabriel's bluntness. In his pocket, Sam's phone began to vibrate, and he took it out only to realize he had fifteen minutes to make it across campus.

"See you later?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Undoubtedly," Gabriel replied, and with a quick peck, the two men parted ways.

A/N: Woo! That was a doozy. That's probably one of the dirtiest smut scenes I've ever written, but certainly not one of the dirtiest I've ever read.

Sorry for how long this took, especially since I left the last chap on such a cliffhanger. I hit some serious writer's block along the way, but thanks to my awesome boyfriend, I climbed my way out of it.

Please review/comment/leave kudos!

-Charmy


	12. Heart By Heart

When They Think of Me (They Think of You)

By: TheFifthCharmedOne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Supernatural is just a show that made me catch feelings.

Summary: 1,460 days later and Cas still has feelings for Dean. He's tried to date other people, many others, but none of them have ever made him feel the way Dean did. When his sister convinces him to move back to Lawrence, he never expects to see Dean again. He is sorely mistaken. Contains UST (lots of it) and man-pain. Also, Sabriel, and Charlie/Anna.

Later that night, after quite a few drinks at the Roadhouse, Sam and Gabriel were pleasantly tipsy and stumbling their way up the stairs to Sam and Jess's apartment.

"Why didn't you move out when you and Jess broke up?" Gabriel asked. Sam shrugged.

"We're still good friends, I didn't see a reason too. Besides, splitting rent is much easier on a college student's salary."

"Fair enough," Gabe said; he pushed a piece of hair out of Sam's eyes. For a few minutes, they just stared at each other, desire palpable between them.

Out of nowhere, Sam pushed Gabriel against the nearby wall and pinned his wrists above his head.

"I want you," Sam growled.

Gabe's smile turned feral, and he licked his lips.

"That's all you had to say, Samalam."

They kissed and groped their way up the stairs, shedding their clothes as they went.

Sam's bed was soft, memory foam in fact, so when Sam pushed Gabriel against it, Gabe was able to really get comfortable.

Needless to say, when he was facedown and Sam was screwing him into next week, he was really thankful for the cushion.

The next night, when Dean came home from his shift at Singer Auto, a large envelope was sitting on the kitchen table, and Cas was smiling widely at him.

"Hey, babe." Dean greeted him, and Cas's face turned bright red at the compliment. "I love seeing you blush."

"Open the envelope," Cas said.

Dean's eyebrows furrowed, and he picked it up – which was when he noticed the familiar emblem.

 _University of Kansas_

 _Office of Admissions_

 _Dean Winchester_

 _202 W. Main Street_

 _Apartment 3A_

 _Lawrence, Kansas 66049_

 _June 12, 2017_

 _Dear Mr. Winchester,_

 _Congratulations! On behalf of the faculty and staff at the University of Kansas, it is with great pleasure that I inform you of your admission to KU as a member of the Class of 2021! You were accepted based on your previous academic accomplishments with the university as well as a very encouraging letter of recommendation from Mr. Robert Singer._

 _This is a particularly exciting time to be a member of the KU community, and we are also aware that you also applied for our Centennial Scholarship. The Office of Financial Aid should be contacting you soon._

 _I hope that this readmission to our institution will instill in you the values of our school, intellectual diversity, integrity, and disciplined inquiry._

 _Congratulations, again!_

 _Lisa Pinamonti Kress_

 _Director of Admissions_

Dean looked up and found Cas's smile had become a proud grin.

"I got in?" Dean whispered, barely daring to believe it.

"It appears that way," Cas replied. "Congratulations, Dean."

"Holy shit." Dean placed the letter on the table and ran a hand through his hair. "I've gotta call Sammy! And my mom!"

Dean pulled out his phone and dialed his brother's number, his fingers shaking slightly in his excitement.

"Hello?" Sam slurred, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Wake the hell up, your lazy bitch."

"Shut up, jerk," Sam grumbled. Gabriel's disgruntled voice mumbled something, but Dean couldn't be bothered to care what he'd said. "What's up?"

"I got into KU!" Dean felt like a child again, barely able to contain himself.

"Dude, really? That's awesome! Congrats!" Sam cried, and Dean couldn't stop grinning if he tried.

Naturally, once Mary found out, she invited her sons, their boyfriends, and everyone from the Roadhouse over for dinner and pie.

"I'm so proud of you, Dean," Mary told her son in private later, kissing his forehead and holding his face in her hands. "So you and Castiel…"

"We're back together, Mom," Dean said. "Seems like things are finally working out the way they're supposed too. This is honestly the happiest I've felt since Dad died."

Mary pulled her son into a hug. Her eyes fell on John's memorial, and her smile faltered just a little bit.

"Castiel James Novak, Summa Cum Laude, Masters in Counseling Psychology." The university chancellor said, reading off of the index card Cas had given her.

"Go Cas!" Dean cheered, and even though he was being loud and obnoxious, he was just so damn happy. Naturally, Gabriel and Anna joined in, while Sam pretended not to know them.

Cas smiled and posed for pictures, his face turning slightly pink at the raucousness of his family and boyfriend.

His heart still tripped over itself when he thought about it – despite everything, they had found their way back to each other. He had written in his dissertation, but a bitter part of him hadn't believed it until now – soulmates were real.

Speaking of his dissertation, he passed that with flying colors; not that anyone had a doubt.

Two months later, Dean was enrolled in summer classes and had been awarded the Centennial Scholarship, which eliminated the need for student loans (or loans of any other variety).

He continued working at Singer Auto part-time, and Cas spent most nights with him in his apartment.

Jo left for school in August, beginning her freshman year at the State University of New York, Albany.

Needless to say, Ellen constantly missed and worried for her daughter, but something Dean had said all those nights ago had made an impact. Jess and Jo regularly video-chatted.

For the first time in recent memory, Harvelle's Roadhouse sported a closed sign on its front door.

CLOSED FOR PRIVATE PARTY

Inside, Ellen and Bobby were working the bar, Jess and Charlie were with their significant others, and the stars of the show were Dean, Castiel, Sam, and Gabriel.

Dean and Cas sat facing each other; their knees touching as Dean ran circles over Cas's knuckles. Sam and Gabriel had moved their barstools so close that their thighs touched, not that either of them minded.

Gabe had convinced Sam to get the fruitiest cocktail on the menu, which Dean teased him about relentlessly.

Ellen's phone began to ring in her pocket, and she took it out to see Jo was trying to FaceTime.

"Everybody be quiet, Jo's calling!" Ellen shouted, and the group instantly shut up. Ellen slid the phone to the right to answer.

"Hey sweetie!" Ellen greeted, and Jo's slightly pixelated face grinned back at her.

"Hey mom, it's kind of late here but I just wanted to say hi and tell the boys that I'm proud of them for finally getting their act together."

"Shaddup Jo!" Dean complained, and Ellen turned the phone to face him, and Jo stuck her tongue out at him.

"Do you want me to get the hot sauce?" Gabriel asked, and everyone laughed.

"I'd like to see him fly across the country just to put hot sauce on my tongue," Jo said gesturing to Dean.

Dean fell silent, embarrassed, and Cas tipped his chin up.

"We can take a road trip." He said, and Dean kissed Cas in response.

"Gag!" Jo cried, though the smile on her face showed her true feelings. "Well, my phone's about to die, so I'll talk to you all later! Congrats!"

"Bye baby!" Ellen said and ended the call.

"Who's up for another round?" Bobby called out, and everyone raised their glasses; Dean's with his usual Coke and Red Bull, while everyone else went with alcohol.

The next morning, Dean awoke in the Novak duplex. He blinked rapidly and looked around. A quiet grunt alerted him to Cas's presence, he just wasn't in bed anymore.

Wearing only loose fitting sweatpants, Cas had his hands wrapped around a pull-up bar. Headphones played some low music in his ears, and it was undoubtedly connected to the iPod in his pocket. His knees were slightly bent as he pulled his chin up over the bar over and over again. Sweat gleamed on his chest, and Dean felt hypnotized by his boyfriend's repetitive motions.

"You do that every morning?" Dean asked, his voice gravelly.

Cas paused in his exercise and held on with one hand to pull a headphone out.

"Good morning, Dean," Cas said, and Dean swallowed hard, his half hard cock now at full mast. "To answer your question; yes. This and yoga have kept me in shape despite Gabriel's insistence on buying the most sugar filled food products possible."

Knowing that Cas did yoga, that he was flexible and bendy and… _fuck._ His erection wasn't going away anytime soon with those images in his head.

"You know what I like to do each morning?" Dean asked, his voice low and alluring, something Cas noticed instantly. He dropped down from the pull-up bar and padded over to Dean.

"What?" Cas asked, his voice just as quiet now. Dean took Cas's wrist and brought the base of his palm against his erection, and Cas inhaled sharply.

"I jerk off to the thought of you," Dean said, leaning up to whisper in Cas's ear. "It really helps the day go well."

Cas licked his lips, sweat mixing with spit as his eyes locked on Dean's arousal.

"I need to shower," Cas said, clearly struggling to maintain composure.

"Me too. Let's go together, conserve water." Dean grinned, and took Cas into the ensuite bathroom, to not only clean up their bodies but clean out their appendages.

Across town, Ellen was wiping down the bar at the Roadhouse, listening to her guilty pleasure: country music.

"Think of You" by Chris Young began to play, and Ellen paused, listening to the lyrics.

Smiling to herself, she began to hum along.

 _Oh, when they think of me, they think of you._

A/N: And…it's done. This is kind of bittersweet for me because this story represented my return to my roots with fanfiction, and now that it's over, it just…I don't know. It shows that if I put my mind to something, I really can do it.

Thanks to everyone who supported me by leaving kudos, comments, or hell just reading and clicking away. It really makes me proud to think that despite my worries, I followed through and got it done.

So. I bet you're wondering if there's a possibility of a sequel. You would be correct.

I am currently working on the outline for a sequel to this story, titled Love Is Like A Torch (That's Burning Bright); all your favorites will be back in a feelsy/fluffy/angsty/crazy extravaganza!

To be released: Probably sometime in June or July. I have another big project in the works as well, so be on the look out for that!

Anyway, thanks again for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! Much appreciated!

Lots of love,

-Charmy

P.S. The name of the director of admissions for University of Kansas wasn't made up – I looked on their website and used it. It's kind of ridiculous how much research I put into these stories. But whatever. Hope you enjoyed!


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